Lord of the Superbowl
by penguinsages6
Summary: Yay first book "The Team of the Ring" is done! Now for the second one! I went pretty much by the movie in the first one but in the second one, it will go a little by the movie but by the book to so don't confused! Enjoy!
1. Prologue

Quick note: I do not own any of these, NFL, football teams, Brett Favre, Dennis Green, Packers, Vikings, Lord of the Rings, etc. These are not my ideas. But the characters, Finny, Sam, Harrygalf, etc. I completely own their souls and they're mine for eternity. Now enjoy!  
  
In the beginning, the great teams were made. The teams that were to play football. In these teams a ring was made for each. Given to each of the team owner's they had the will and power to dominate each team to victory. For these rings would forever be the rings of power. But all of them were deceived…  
For another ring was made. The one ring that could rule the rest. The ring that would be given to the one who won the superbowl. The one ring to rule all the other ones. One ring to rule them all…  
It just so happened that this ring fell into the hands of Brett Favre who won the superbowl. And into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his taunting to all other football teams. For this one ring would govern all teams in football. But there were some who resisted…  
A last alliance of Vikings and Vikings fans marched against the armies of the Packers, and on the great lambo field, they fought for the freedom of the football teams. Quarterbacks would throw their footballs hitting down Packers. Vikings would rush and plow the Packers over. They fight was immense. But suddenly just as the Vikings were about to defeat the Packers, a great shadow emerged. For the power of the ring could not be undone…  
Brett Favre emerged and stood above all the Vikings and the Vikings fans. He was covered in his Packer uniform and held a football in his hand. He suddenly threw the football and sent a mass of Vikings and Vikings fans flying back. He threw another one and sent another mass back. Then he threw another one. When suddenly, Culpepper the king charged at Brett Favre. Brett Favre quickly tackled and left him lying lifeless in the endzone. Then Randy Moss ran up and laid by his Culpepper. When Brett Favre hovered over him. In was in that moment when Randy Moss took up Culpepper's ball and throw it at Brett. It hit his hand and knocked the ring right off. Suddenly Brett Favre fell. This sent a shockwave throughout all of lambo, and knocked all the troops down. For Brett Favre, enemy of the free teams of the NFL, was defeated.   
Randy Moss had this one chance to destroy all evil forever. But the hearts of football players, are easily corrupted.  
"I'll take the ring when I wanna take the ring," said Randy Moss. He then took the Ring back and while he was driving home, he got in a car accident with a Packer fan. The ring flew from the car and when down the sewer pipe. And things that were not to be forgotten, were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for 2 ½ years, the ring passed out of all knowledge. When suddenly, it ensnared a new bearer. The creature Nick found the ring lying in a gutter one day. Where he took it deep into his basement where all the cat crap lies. And for 5 months, it poisoned his mind.   
Shadows came back into the land. Whispers of a nameless fear in Wisconsin. For the time had come for the ring. It abandoned Nick, and fell into the gutter right outside a gay's house named Finny Baggins. For soon, gays will shape the face of the future of football. 


	2. The finding of the Ring

The Team of the Ring  
  
Once upon a time in a land not so far away which will be named our humble little town. Lived a gay. This gay's name was Finny Baggins. Now Finny Baggins had a humongous head and a small scrawny body. He was also infected with ADHD. Well little Finny Baggins had a friend that was like a butt buddy to him. This friend's name was Sam Densemore. Well one day Finny and Sam were strolling through the streets and discovered a ring in the ditch. Finny picked it up.  
"Aaaaaaaaa, it wooks wike a wingggg," said young Finny.  
"Yeah but where did it come from?" asked Sam, then quickly jerked his head to one side with the Terret Syndrome that he was affected by.  
"Aaaaaaaaa, we go ask Hawwygalf," said Finny. So Finny and Sam trudged to Finny's house where Harrygalf was sitting nicely in the living room.   
"Aaaaaaaaa, Hawwygalf, we find a wingggggg, and we don't know where it came fwommmm," said Finny in his non-intelligent gay language.   
"Hmmmmm, this ring looks familiar…I must go speak with the head of the Vikings. He is both wise and powerful," said Harrygalf. So Harrygalf mounted his mighty van and rode over to the tower of the Viking's stadium, where   
Dennis Green lived. There Dennis Green came out, greeting Harrygalf. And also saying mindless jibberish.  
"So Harrygalf, the great ring has been found, has it not?" asked Dennis.  
"Why yes it has Dennis, for it has been in the streets all these long years. Under my very nose," said Harrygalf.  
"And yet you have not had the wits to see it, you're love for pessimism has surely slowed your mind," said Dennis.  
"Well damn it Dennis, we'll have fricken time to act if we fricken act quickly. Now I know that the ring has been found but we must act. If we act, we will still have time," Harrygalf mindlessly repeated.  
"Time? What time do you think we have?" asked Dennis.  
"Well the little ones have their whole life," said Harrygalf.  
"You think that gays can surely behold the ring? For there are none who can. The gays can't even go out of town on their own. How do you think they will destroy the one ring?" asked Dennis.  
"Well here's how: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah," Harrygalf said mindlessly for hours and hours. By that time Dennis was asleep in his chair.  
"GOD DAMN IT WAKE UP! WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO!" screamed Harrygalf. Dennis suddenly snapped awake.  
"Harrygalf, we can't win against the Packers. For the Vikings against the Packers, there is no victory. We must join with them Harrygalf. We must turn to cheeseheads," said Dennis.  
"Dennis, what have you been snorting?" asked Harrygalf.  
"About 20 kilos," said Dennis, "it has left me a little messed up."  
"Well tell me, friend, when did Dennis Green the wise of the Vikings reason for drugs?" asked Harrygalf. Suddenly Dennis got an insane look on his face. He grabbed a football and nailed Harrygalf in the head. Harrygalf flew back. Harrygalf picked up a football and threw it Dennis's stomach. It hit him and sent him flying back through a doorway. Then Dennis threw one at Harrygalf's head again and hit him right in the nose. Harrygalf screamed with pain but quickly chucked one at Dennis. It went really low and hit Dennis right in the nuts. This sent Dennis flying back in great pain. Then Dennis ran up and kicked Harrygalf and he flew through some field goal posts. Harrygalf then got up and ran away from the Viking's tower.  
"For you have chosen, defeat," said Dennis.  
  
Finny and Sam were continually playing football in the backyard when suddenly Harrygalf came barging up. He tackled Sam and left him unconscious. He dragged Finny into the house.   
"Finny put the ring on the table," said Harrygalf. Finny put the ring on the table and they both observed it for a 5 hour period. After that Harrygalf decided to say something.  
"Finny, this is no ordinary ring. The ring is that of the Packers, which I will not utter hear. The language on the ring says, One Ring to win the bowl, One Ring to find the victory, One Ring to bring them all, and in the stadium bind them! This ring belongs to Brett Favre. He lost it when the Packers played the Vikings," said Harrygalf.  
"But he was defeated, Brett Favre was defeated," said Finny.  
"No Finny, the spirit and victory of Brett Favre endoured. His lifeforce is bound to the ring that he got when he won the superbowl. He must have to defeat all the football teams in the world. He is seeking it, oh his thoughts are bent on it. He must never find it…" said Harrygalf.  
"Aaaaaaaaa, fine, then I won't tell anyone!" said Finny.  
"But, there was one other who knew the ring was here. I searched everywhere for the creature Nick, but the Packers found him first. I don't know how long they tortured him, but after all the time, the deserved two words. 'Gutter', 'Baggins'!" said Harrygalf.  
"Gutter…Baggins…but that will lead them here! Take it Harrygalf!" said Finny shoving the ring towards Harrygalf. Harrygalf then slapped the ring out of Finny's hand and then slapped Finny across the face.  
"Damn it bitch! I'm not going to be a Packer fan!" yelled Harrygalf.  
"But I'm not a Packer fan!" yelled Finny.  
"But you love all football," said Harrygalf.  
"Fine, I'll take the ring. But I don't know what to do!" screamed Finny. Finny then went in a corner and cried like a baby.   
"I will help you bear this burden. For now we must go to Goman's, for they are holding a council there," said Harrygalf. Suddenly there was a sound.  
"Get down," said Harrygalf. Harrygalf picked up a football and chucked it at the sound. He heard a huge moan followed by endless crying. Harrygalf reached down and grabbed a person and flung him through the window.  
"God damn Sam Densemore! Have you been spying on us?!?" said Harrygalf filled with rage.  
"I didn't do it," said Sam.  
"Well now you have to join us! Or else I'll ground Finny for life!" said Harrygalf. Sam got an incredibly scared look on his face, and then decided to join. Harrygalf, Sam, and Finny all left and started for the Goman's for the council. 


	3. The Path to Goman's

Finny, Sam, and Harrygalf trudged from the house over to the baseball field. There they found some nice baseball things that were supposed to be for the game of the city teams. Finny didn't care. He took the best bat there was and wielded it. Sam found a golf club that was dropped by someone who was practicing their swing in the open field. For the baseball field not only played baseball, but had lots of other sports activities. With their new weapons, Harrygalf took the TV remote out of his pocket and put it on top of his staff. For now he could cast magic by the power of the cable company. They continued on until they reached a church.  
"This was once a great watch tower. We will rest here tonight. Stay here, I'm going to go have a look around," said Harrygalf. So Finny fell fast asleep. Suddenly he was awoken. For Sam was inside the church's kitchen cooking.   
"What are you doing?!?" asked Finny shocked.  
"I was hungry," said Sam twitching.  
"Turn it off you fool, turn it off!" yelled Finny flicking the switch.  
"Stop it!" yelled Sam. Suddenly there was a sound. A sound like no other. It wasn't really a screech, it was more of an…ANNOYING LAUGH! For suddenly into the church door came 7 people dressed in all black. The one that was obviously their leader came to the front and laughed. For his hood seemed to slant downward then the rest. Then the smallest one came to his side.  
"We're gonna kill you and take the ring to lord Brett!" said the Wraith. He drew his sword. Then all the other wraiths drew their swords. They started closing in on Finny and Sam. When suddenly the leader Wraith swung his sword. He missed horrifically and killed one of the wraiths. The little one did the same. Leaving only five wraiths. They swung again and again until only those two wraiths were alive. Then they lifted their swords and missed destroying a wall. A sharp piece of the wall came down and stabbed Finny in the shoulder. Finny screamed out in pain. When suddenly Harrygalf came out of the shadows. He beat both wraiths with his staff and then took Finny and Sam out of the church. He threw them into the van and climbed into the driver's seat. Finny sat there hurt. Harrygalf quickly inspected him.  
"He was stabbed by a piece of lead wall. This is beyond my skill. He needs medicine," said Harrygalf. Suddenly the wraiths came out of the church. Harrygalf quickly floored it and burst out. The wraiths were keeping on the van's trail.   
"What are they?" asked Sam, jerking.  
"They were once humans. Great nerds of humans. Then the Packers influenced them to be a cheesehead, one by one falling to a Packer fan. They are the losers, ringwraiths, servants of Brett Favre. Neither human nor intelligent. They will never stop hunting you," said Harrygalf. Suddenly the wraiths were on their tail and catching up fast.   
"Their too fast!" yelled Sam.  
"Hold on," said Harrygalf breaking the sound barrier. Finny moaned.  
"We're 6 minutes from goman's! He'll never make it!" yelled Sam.  
"Hold on Finny," said Harrygalf. Harrygalf floored it then quickly reached the highway. He went across it and turned around. The wraiths were on the other side. Suddenly the wraiths did something unexpected. They revealed themselves. For one wraith was Joe and the other Horse.   
"Give up Finny!" said Joe.  
"If you want him, come and claim him!" yelled Harrygalf.   
"Ok you're pissing me off!" yelled Joe!  
"Joey calm down!" yelled Horse in his loud voice.  
"Don't tell me what to do!" yelled Joe.   
"I should've known it was you two! The orcs, Joe and Horse," said Harrygalf.  
"Yeah and now we're gonna have the ring and make sure the Packers win all the superbowls to come! And rule the NFL!" said Joe excited.  
"Yeah!" yelled Horse agreeing with Joe. Joe and Horse started to cross the highway when suddenly Harrygalf mumbled some weird language. Suddenly a herd of Viking fans in their cars came and smacked Joe and Horse and carried them down the street.  
"You may have beat us now, but we'll be back!" yelled Joe.  
"YEAH!" yelled Horse followed by annoying laughter by both of them. Suddenly Finny started going critical.  
"Is he going to die?" asked Sam.  
"He's passing into the Packer world, he'll soon become an orc like them," said Harrygalf. Then suddenly Finny passed out, not knowing what was happening and woke up in a bed in goman's house.   
"Where am I?" asked Finny.  
"In the House of Alrond," said Harrygalf.  
"Harrygalf," said Finny.  
"Yes, I'm here. And you're lucky to be here. You had some strength in you," said Harrygalf.  
"Finny!" said Sam suddenly running in.  
"Sam has barely left your side! And in the house of lord Alrond, you're beginning to mend," said Harrygalf. Suddenly Lord Alrond came up behind Harrygalf.  
"Welcome to the Goman house, Finny Baggins," said Lord Alrond. Finny went out to explore and found Sam all packed.  
"I thought you wanted to see the Gomans, Sam," said Finny.  
"I do," said Sam.  
"More than anything," said Finny.  
"I did. It's just that, we got the ring this far to Goman's and well this is too hard! I don't want to do it anymore!" yelled Sam then started crying.  
"You're right Sam. Let's go home," said Finny. Meanwhile, Alrond and Harrygalf were discussing the situation.  
"Alrond, we can ask no more of Finny," said Harrygalf.  
"Harrygalf, the Packers of moving. Brett Favre is building an army, his eye is fixed on the Goman house. And Dennis Green you said had betrayed us. Our list of allies grows thin. The gomans do not have the strength to fight both Lambo and the Metrodome! Anyways, my people will be leaving soon. Who will you turn to when we are gone? Other teams? They just sit in their locker rooms they care nothing for the troubles of the NFL," said Alrond.  
"It is the Vikings who we must put our trust in," said Harrygalf.  
"The Vikings? The Vikings are weak. I was there Harrygalf. I was there 3 years ago. Randy Moss had taken the ring from Brett Favre. I lead him deep into lambo, where the grease pits of the janitor's closet were. I told him to cast it in but he took the ring with great greed. It is because of the Vikings the ring survived. Harrygalf, it cannot stay here. Now come, we will decide what to do in the council," said Alrond. Harrygalf and Lord Alrond then went down to hold the council. 


	4. Council of Alrond

Lord Alrond and Harrygalf entered the living room of the Goman's house. There Finny, and two other people were sitting. These two people were Mikey Brandybuck and Gapli. Now Mikey was a gay just like Finny and Sam only he was a bit stranger than them both. Gapli had huge front teeth with enormous gaps inbetween them. Gapli wielded a croquet mallet and Mikey wielded a hockey stick. They all watched as Lord Alrond and Harrygalf entered. Harrygalf then went and took a seat next to Finny.  
"You have all been summoned here by the threat of Lambo. This one threat affects all teams of football. You will unite, or you will fall. Now, bring forth the ring, Finny," said Alrond. Finny got up and put the ring on the coffee table. There were suddenly many shocks around the room. Suddenly Gapli sprung up from his seat.  
"I think we should go through the salt mines!" said Gapli.  
"Gapli, shut the hell up," said Mikey. Mikey then slapped Gapli across the face. Gapli ran to a corner and started crying. Then Mikey turned to the council.  
"Maybe we should use the ring, become Packer fans, and defeat the Packers with their own team!" said Mikey, appearing like he had a good idea.  
"You cannot wield it! No one can. The ring answers to Favre alone, it has no other master!" replied Harrygalf.  
"And what would an old man know of this?" asked Mikey.  
"This is no old man! This is Harrygalf the wise! You owe him your legiance," said Finny.  
"Harrygalf? This is Moss's fan?" asked Mikey.  
"A fan to the bench of the Vikings," said Finny.  
"Vikings have no fans. Vikings need no fans," said Mikey, sitting down.  
"Harrygalf is right. We cannot use it. Instead lets go through the salt mines!" said Gapli.  
"I thought I told you to shut up!" yelled Mikey. Mikey then ran over and slapped Gapli across the other cheek. Gapli then cried again.  
"You have but one choice. The ring must be destroyed," said Alrond.   
"We'll go through the salt mines later! Let's destroy the ring now!" said Gapli, lifting his croquet mallet. He then came down, busting the coffee table into pieces. A shock went through and sent Gapli flying back. The ring laid there unharmed.   
"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gapli, by any craft that we here possess. It was won at Lambo field. Only there, can it be unwon. One of you must do this," said Alrond.  
"One does not simply walk into Wisconsin. The sign greeting, is guarded by more than just orcs (Packer fans). There are Packers there that do not sleep. It's a barring wasteland, full of farms and cattle. The very air you breathe, is stenched with cheese. Not with 10,000 men could you do this. It's impossible," said Mikey.  
"Have you heard nothing that Lord Alrond just said? The ring must be destroyed!" said Harrygalf.  
"And I suppose you could do it?" asked Gapli.  
"And what if we fail what then? What happens when favre reclaims the superbowl title?" asked Mikey.  
"I will be dead before I see the ring, in the hands of a pessimist!" yelled Gapli. Suddenly the whole crowd burst out in arguing. They were all fighting over what to do with the ring and who was going to take it. When suddenly little Finny Baggins started to come forward.   
"I will take it!" yelled Finny. He wasn't heard.  
"I will take it!" yelled Finny again. Suddenly everyone was quiet.  
"I will take the ring to Lambo," said Finny once again, "no, I do not know the way."  
"I will help you bear this burden, as long as it's yours to bear. Through my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my remote," said Harrygalf.  
"And you have my hockey stick," said Mikey.  
"And my croquet mallet. Now let's go into the salt mines!" yelled Gapli. They all huddled together.  
"Hey! Mr. Finny never goes anywhere without me! We're butt buddies!" yelled a voice as Sam Densemore came running through.  
"Damn it! You're not supposed to be in here!" yelled Lord Alrond. Then he inspected the crowd.  
"Five companions…Very well, I give the team of the ring!" pronounced Alrond.   
"Great, can we go through the salt mines now?" asked Gapli.  
  
After the council Finny went with Lord Alrond to his bedroom.   
"Here Finny, take this. It will help you on your quest," said Lord Alrond. He gave Finny a bullet proof vest.  
"Thanks Lord Alrond!" yelled Finny.   
"No problem now off with you," said Alrond. Finny then went to join with the others in the fellowship. All the others were preparing to leave. After they were all prepared, they spent the night in Goman's house. The next day they arose, and after a light breakfast they got ready. They said bye to all the goman's there and went out on the path. They left Goman's house and headed out on the path to go to Wisconsin. 


	5. Attempt at Sugarloaf

With Goman's behind them they head out onto the main road. They trodded on the pavement following the path to Wisconsin. For their plan was to follow the road as long as it stayed south and then go east into Wisconsin. During their came Finny and Mikey were practicing sports and Sam was stuffing his face once again.   
"Hey Harrygalf! I think we should go through the Salt Mines!" suggested Gapli.  
"No Gapli, I would not go through the Salt Mines, unless I had no other choice," said Harrygalf.  
"BUT WHY NOT?!?" whined Gapli. He then ran and cried like a little baby. Suddenly Sam noticed something coming towards them.  
"What's that?" asked Sam.   
"It's just a cloud coming from the directing in which the salt mines are!" said Gapli.  
"It's moving fast. Faster than any cloud that I reckon I've ever seen!" said Finny. Suddenly they realized what it was.  
"Hide!" yelled Harrygalf. The whole party quickly dove into the bushes. Finny dug himself underground. Sam pissed on the tree Mikey was hiding behind. Gapli continued crying in the weeds about not going to the salt mines. Suddenly little security cameras with propellers came flying towards them. They quickly scanned the area and then went back towards the metrodome.  
"Spies of Dennis Green. The road south is being blocked. We must take the pass up Sugarloaf!" said Harrygalf. They then trudged towards the small hill that stood above the rest to try to go over it.  
  
Meanwhile at the Metrodome, the security cameras arrived back. Dennis Green watched the tapes and was disgusted by them.  
"Damn Harrygalf, you lead a disgusting party. Anyways you will try to take them over Sugarloaf? If the hill defeats you, where will you go? Will you attempt more dangerous roads? For you will see, once at the top of sugarloaf, you cannot go down the other side," said Dennis Green.   
  
The party finally reached the path leading up sugarloaf. Harrygalf started, followed by Gapli and Sam. Then Finny and Mikey were at the bottom. The trail was steep at first and Finny slipped. The ring accidently fell out of Finny's pocket and landed on the trail. Mikey picked it up.  
"It's such a strange thing how this little thing causes so much fear and doubt. Hell, half of us don't even like football!" said Mikey.  
"Mikey, give the ring to Finny," said Harrygalf.  
"FINE!" yelled Mikey and chucked it at Finny's head. It nailed him in the forehead and fell to the ground. Finny picked it up and put it back in his pocket. Harrygalf then took his thumb off the power button. They continued going up sugarloaf until they've come near the top. There the rocky field was. For it looked very difficult to go over.  
"Harrygalf, we must turn back!" yelled Sam.  
"No!" yelled Harrygalf. They started going over the rocky fields. They trudged through and finally reached the top of the hill. There they saw, was a straight drop. For they had no rope to go down on. It appeared their path was impassible.  
"Let's take the main highway! Or take the backroad to another city?" asked Mikey.  
"The highway takes us too close to the Metrodome!" said Harrygalf.  
"Let's go through the salt mines," said Gapli. At this very comment, Harrygalf couldn't take anymore. He went right up to Gapli and looked him straight in the eye.  
"FINE! WE'LL GO THROUGH THE FRICKEN MINES! THEN WILL YOU BE FRICKEN HAPPY?!?" snapped Harrygalf. Gapli got a very scared look in his eye.  
"Yes…" said Gapli softly and nervously.  
"Very well, we will go through the mines if Gapli will shut the hell up about it," said Harrygalf.  
"Yay!" Gapli cheered. Mikey then ran up and slapped Gapli across the face. Gapli went behind a tree and cried. They then started down the hill and went towards the mines. For sugarloaf is seemed had defeated them.   
  
Dennis Green sat in his stadium watching them through technology.  
"Yes Harrygalf, you know what lurks in the mines. For the construction workers piled sand too stupidily and too high. You know what they awaked from her dreams. A woman of rage and anger," said Dennis Green. He then watched as they got off the hill and started heading for the salt mines. 


	6. The Salt Mines

After what seemed like years of walking to the travelers they finally reached the gates of the great salt mines. They mines were filled with salt and guarded by wooden and cement gates all around.  
"The gates, of the salt mines," said Gapli like it was some big deal.  
"Shut the hell up," said Mikey. Mikey then slapped Gapli again. Harrygalf went up to investigate the gate to the mine. He brushed away some salt and dirt from a sign hanging on the gates. He then read aloud to the group.  
"It reads: The City Salt Mines. NO TRESPASSING," said Harrygalf.  
"What do you suppose that means?" asked Mikey.  
"It means we can't go in without getting in trouble you dumbass," Harrygalf snapped. Gapli then slapped Mikey. Mikey went off crying.  
"Wow, now I know why you do it to me so much," said Gapli. Harrygalf sat and thought about how to get in without getting in trouble. The grass in the yard next to them started moving strangely.  
"I know how to get in without getting in trouble!" Finny suddenly said. Finny then went up with a permanent marker and scribbled out the word NO.   
"That may work," said Harrygalf. They then went into the mines. There was great hills of salt towering above them. Salt was everywhere. The ground was hard cement. Hardened rocks of salt would lay all over the mines.   
"Soon Mikey, you'll enjoy the hospitality of the mines. Salt, salt, and more salt towering above you!" said Gapli excited.  
"This isn't a mine, it's a storage bin," said Mikey, "not get out of here get out!"  
Suddenly Finny was dragged back. For a hose with too much water pressure was whipping. It ensnared Finny was whipping him about. The party quickly ran outside to see Finny being caught by the hose. Sam beat it with his golf club. Mikey did a slash with his hockey stick. Gapli was still investigating the mines.  
"Harrygalf!" yelled Finny. Harrygalf came running and smacked the hose off Finny. Everyone then ran into the mines to try and avoid the hose. The hose then chased them as they dove into the mines, and smacked the gate shut. Suddenly a click was heard and the gate was locked.  
"We have now but one choice. We must face the long salt of the mines. Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than salt in the storage bins of the city," said Harrygalf. They started trudging through the salt mines. After going over hurdles of salt and climbing up salty stairs they came to a room. As they approached it was full of cats. The cats hissed and snarled at the party. Suddenly a figure appeared and threw a cat at Finny. Finny through it off. The party started fighting the cats. They would beat down the cats with their weapons. Harrygalf blasted back the figure with a beam from his remote, causing the cats to follow him. The figure gave a yelp and disappeared into the salty darkness.  
"Who was that?" asked Finny.  
"It was Nick. He has been following us for 3 hours," said Harrygalf.  
"Nick," said Finny shocked.  
"He hates and loves the ring. Just as he hates and loves himself. He will never be over his greed for it. For he thinks that he found it in the street it is now his. Nick never really has any fancy jewelry around his house. He probably thinks he could sell it for a great deal of money," said Harrygalf.  
"It's a pity Nick didn't stay home," said Finny.  
"Yeah it is but what the hell are you gonna do?" asked Harrygalf. Harrygalf and the party then continued when suddenly they came to a great room with pillars of salt on each side.   
"We have now reached the great salt storage bin," said Harrygalf. The whole party looked at it surprised.  
"Well that's an eye opener at no expense," said Sam. Suddenly Gapli noticed something. He started running for a small opening in the salt.   
"Gapli!" yelled Harrygalf. Gapli ignored him and kept running. There was a dead cat lying in the middle of a small room. Gapli bent down and started crying because he was a huge softy towards animals.  
"It looks like one of Nick's cats didn't make it. Oh well," said Harrygalf. He then noticed a diary in the corner. For it was a Viking's diary, the name was not given.  
"There are too many Packers. We cannot get out. They are tackling us, throwing footballs at us. The salt is too high. The bodies of the Vikings and fans were buried there. They are coming. We cannot get out," Harrygalf read, "they are coming then."  
Suddenly Mikey slapped Gapli causing an echo of the slap to spread throughout the salt mines. Gapli then started screaming causing more echoes to spread throughout the mines. Harrygalf then looked at them both.  
"You stupid idiots! You made too much fricken noise! Why don't you two go and throw yourself into the salt and rid us of your immaturity?" bitched Harrygalf. Suddenly there was sound. It sounded like many football players going out of the locker. Suddenly Finny smelled the air.  
"Rotten cheese!" said Finny scared.   
"Orcs!" yelled Sam. The party all went back and drew their weapons. Mikey went to investigate but was driven back as footballs came hurling. He saw something and then ran back.  
"They have a Hal Troll," said Mikey. Suddenly through the small crack in the salt, hoards of Packer fans came bursting through. Harrygalf shot a beam out of his remote which sent two Packer fans flying back. Finny, Sam, Mikey, and Gapli all charged. Finny beat one orc's head in. Sam smacked orcs left and right. Mikey was chopping orcs down.   
Suddenly a massive figure came through and burst through the salt. Salt flew all over. The figure was the Hal Troll. He stood massive above everyone else. He was wearing a Packer jersey with pads. In his hand he held a baseball bat with footballs tied around it. Harrygalf noticed the Hal Troll and shot his shoulder with a beam from his remote. The Hal Troll yelled in pain. He then tried to smash Sam with his club. Sam quickly ran underneath him and the Hal Troll's club hit the concrete. The party kept fighting all the orcs while trying not to get slaughtered by the Hal Troll at the same time.   
The Hal Troll suddenly went over to Gapli who was fighting some orcs. The Hal Troll swung and missed Gapli but hit an orc, sending them flying back. He did it again and killed another orc. Then the Hal Troll went to beat Gapli with his club but Harrygalf shot a beam at the Hal Troll. Gapli then beat an orc with his croquet mallet.   
The Hal Troll then saw little Finny in the corner alone. Finny got scared like the wimp he is and quickly ran behind some salt. The Hal Troll looked behind the salt but Finny was wedged into a corner. Finny then maneuvered to another area so the Hal Troll wouldn't see him. Then as Finny was once again maneuvering, the Hal Troll screamed in his face. He grabbed Finny's leg and started pulling him towards him. Finny smacked the Hal Troll's hand with his bat, causing it to bruise. This angered the Hal Troll. He reached behind him and took out a shotgun. He shot Finny once right in the chest. He shot again and hit Finny in the same area. Then he shot a third time and Finny fell. Finny laid lifeless.   
The whole party was shocked. For Finny, the only one who could bear the ring, appeared dead. They then fought their hardest and slayed the rest of the orcs. The Hal Troll was the only one left. Mikey would jump on his back and start beating his spine with his hockey stick. Harrygalf tried shooting beams. The Hal Troll threw them away. Gapli then went up to the Hal Troll. The Hal Troll lifted his club to smash Gapli but Gapli quickly swung his croquet mallet and hit him in the nuts. The Hal Troll dropped his club in pain and grabbed his nuts. He then fell with pain and smacked his head on a salt rock, killing him almost instantly. For now the Hal Troll was defeated. But the party had other problems.   
They approached Finny to see if he was ok. Sam slowly turned Finny over and Finny got up! For Finny was still alive.  
"I'm all right. I'm not hurt," said Finny.  
"You should be dead. Wow you're tougher than I thought!" said Sam.  
"I think there's more to this gay, then meets the eye," said Harrygalf. Finny then rolled down his shirt to show the bullet proof vest.  
"A bullet proof vest. You're full of surprises Mr. Baggins," said Gapli. Suddenly there was a great stench of cheese in the air and shadows of Packer fans all over the wall.   
"To the railroad tracks!" yelled Harrygalf. The whole party left the room and bolted for the tracks. For suddenly a mass of orcs followed them. They chased them flailing their arms in hopes to kill the party. Suddenly the mass caught up with them. The party was surrounded by all the Packer fans in the mines. They hissed and yelled and pointed at the small party. The party got ready to fight when suddenly there was a grumble. It sounded like an enraged woman. This scared the orcs and they all ran back to their hiding places in the salt. There was a red light in the distance of the salt and an more grumbles.  
"What is this new devilry?" asked Mikey.  
"A Melrog. A woman of incredible rage. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!" yelled Harrygalf. The party didn't need to be told twice. They then bolted towards the railroad tracks. On their way there an object suddenly bolted out of nowhere, just missing Finny. For it was an arrow stuck in the ground. On top of a great salt hill stood the two orcs, Joe and Horse.  
"Ha I told ya we'd be back!" said Joe.  
"Yeah!" said Horse, agreeing with Joe.  
"Now we're gonna kill all of you. Because we're the Gods of accuracy. We live for accuracy. Accuracy is our life! We are the greatest accuracy people in the whole world!" said Joe.  
"Yeah!" said Horse again. The whole party looked annoyed. They started walking casually away.  
"Hey stop! That's it, I'm gonnna kill you!" said Joe. Joe took the bow he held in his hand and notched and arrow. He then did it orc style by slumping and fired the arrow. It smacked the ground and bounced back, hitting Joe in the forehead. But since Joe's head was slanted, the arrow just slid right down.   
"Joey let me try!" said Horse.  
"You just told me what to do again," said Joe.  
"But Joey you can't hit them!" yelled Horse.  
"Fine! Lets see you do better!" yelled Joe. He suddenly threw the bow at Horse. It hit Horse lightly and he fell. Horse screamed like he was dying off of a little cut. Horse then notched and arrow and put his thumb and forefinger over the notch and tried to pull back. It went about two inches back and the arrow flew off the string about a millimeter in front of Horse and fell to the ground.  
"Horse you suck! Let a true master of accuracy show you how it's done," said Joe taking the bow. Joe then shot another arrow and this time it went through the air. It missed the party horribly though. Instead it went in the distance and a yell came from Lord Alrond.  
"Joey you shot Lord Alrond! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" yelled Horse. Horse then laughed because Horse laughs at anything and everything. This sent sonic sound waves which caved in the salt pile the two orcs were standing on. They fell through.  
"We'll be back!" yelled Joe.   
"Well that was pointless," said Harrygalf. Suddenly a grumble came again and a flash of red light.  
"Oh crap I forgot! Run!" yelled Harrygalf. The whole party ran and finally reached the railroad tracks. They all crossed except for Harrygalf who was last. He came on the tracks and just got across when suddenly a giant demonic woman came out. The Melrog emerged. She was obviously angry about something very minor to normal people.   
"You shall not pass!" yelled Harrygalf.   
"Harrygalf!" yelled Finny. Suddenly the Melrog increased her rage and set flames all around her. She then drew a butcher knive that was flaming and lifted it to smite Harrygalf.   
"I have more rage than you! Let me show you!" yelled Harrygalf. Harrygalf then shot flames out at the knife came down. It then shattered against Harrygalf's flames. The Melrog then started onto the tracks.  
"You shall not pass!" yelled Harrygalf. He beat his staff against the ground and a light suddenly flooded everything. For the light did not die. The Melrog started towards Harrygalf and the company when suddenly a train came smacked the Melrog. The Melrog then was carried off by the train and never seen again. Harrygalf then noticed a used TV sale across the street. He went and stared mindlessly at them. For Finny and the company knew what that meant. Harrygalf would stare at the same thing for hours on end. Finny and company then exited the mines and started crying because they were all wimps. Then Finny stopped crying and rose the party up.  
"Get up you fools!" yelled Finny.  
"Give us a moment for pity's sake!" yelled Mikey.  
"By nightfall these fields will be swarming with orcs. We must reach Kwik Trip (a gas station)," said Finny. Then the four left Harrygalf staring at the TV's and started towards Kwik Trip. 


	7. Kwik Trip

They went over fields and roads. Past shops and past gates. They traveled until finally the party reached kwik trip. As they went through the parking lot Gapli was talking to Finny.  
"I think we should go through the salt mines again!" said Gapli.  
"Gapli you are fricken obsessed. Shut the hell up," said Mikey. He was about to slap him when suddenly a shotgun was pointed at Gapli. Then shotguns came out of no where was pointed at the rest of the party. For there were kwik trip workings standing all around with shotguns. Suddenly a strange man emerged.  
"The freak breathed so loudly we could have shot him in the dark," said the man. For this man was Bob, the #2 top employee of Kwik Trip.  
"Bob, we need your help. We must seek your protection," said Finny.  
"I say we go through the salt mines again!" said Gapli.  
"You have entered the parking lot of Kwik Trip. You cannot go back to the 'salt mines.' Come, she is waiting," said Bob. He then lead the party inside kwik trip. At the cash register he stood with Gladys, the #1 top employee of kwik trip.  
"Four are here yet 5 set out from Goman's house. Tell me where is Harrygalf? For I would much like to speak with him," said Bob.  
"Ah hell he ain't here so stop fretting about it, Bob. Anyways it looks like your quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all," said Gladys. She then stared at Mikey and he started bawling because her stare was creepy.  
"Yet hope remains. Do not let yourselves be sorrowed. For tonight you will sleep well," said Gladys. She then lead the whole party to the break room. They were all eating candy and pop from kwik trip and laughing merrily. Night suddenly came and Mikey and Sam were sitting in the break room.  
"Take some rest. See those security cameras? This place is well protected," said Sam.  
"I will find no rest here. Did you see how that woman was staring at me? It was weird. Anyways she said there was still hope but yet I do not see it. I know the Vikings are noble men but they are always failing and they turn to us to make things right and we will do it to make sure that the team of the Vikings returns," said Mikey.  
"I went to one of their games once. Long ago," said Sam.  
"Well the trumpets will blare and the fans will put posters in our names when the fans of the Vikings return!" Mikey said proudly.   
  
Meanwhile Gladys trudged across the floor and woke Finny up. Finny followed Gladys into the bathroom where she was cleaning toilets.   
"Will you look in the mirror?" asked Gladys.  
"What will I see?" asked Finny.  
"The hell if I know. Look for yourself," said Gladys.  
Finny then went up to the mirror and looked. His image suddenly vanished and was replaced by the images of all his friends. They would look normally and a town was shown. Suddenly there were orcs all around. Cattle would flood the place and orcs would throw footballs and beat down innocent civilians. All of the gays were turned straight. Cheese would flood everywhere. Finny got scared and ran to a corner and cried.  
"I know what it is you saw," said Gladys.  
"But how? I thought you said you didn't know what I'd see," said Finny.  
"Well yeah but it's so damned obvious and you're pissing your pants about it. I mean look at the floor," said Gladys. There was a large puddle underneath Finny.   
"How embarrassing," said Finny.  
"Yes but it's what will happen if you should fail," said Gladys.  
"But I probably will fail. Or would you take the ring?" asked Finny.  
"Me take the ring? I must admit that my heart has been set on this," said Gladys. Then she got weird.   
"Instead of a dark quarterback you will have a cheerleader! Not dark but beautiful and slutty as the dawn! All men will love me and want my body," said Gladys as she flared up in shadows. Suddenly she calmed down.  
"I passed the test. Now I will finally get that damned raise!" said Gladys happily.  
"I can't do this alone," said Finny.  
"You are a jock Finny. To be a jock, is to be alone. This task was appointed to you. If you cannot find a way, no one can," said Gladys.  
"Well then I guess I have to do this. It's just, I don't really want to do it," said Finny.  
"Well damn it you have to whether you like it or not!" said Gladys.   
  
The next day the whole party awoke. They all went out into the parking lot to say goodbye to Gladys, Bob, and the Kwik Trip workers. Gladys then gave Finny a special gift.  
"Take this Finny. Let it be light, where all other lights in the world have gone it," said Gladys. She gave Finny a battery powered flashlight. The party then hitched a ride in the back of a truck and stole away down the highway. They started heading for their destination which would be the bridge leading into Wisconsin. 


	8. The Breaking of the Team

The party sailed down the road. They were all stole aways on farmer John's pick up truck heading for Wisconsin. It would only be a rather of minutes before they finally got to the bridge. The truck continued down the highway when suddenly after many miles, the bridge finally came into view.  
"Finny, look. It's the bridge of Wisconsin. I've always wanted to gaze into the pillars of old," said Mikey. The truck stopped at a stop sign before the bridge and the four jumped off.   
  
"Do you know how the Packers came to be? They were normal football players once, tortured, and mutilated. A ruined form of life. Now perfected, my fighting Packer Hai," said Dennis Green confronting his chief Packer Hai orc, Donald Driver. For while the party was on their journey through the mines, and through Kwik Trip, Dennis Green had succeeded in breeding Packers and Packer Fans. He made Donald Driver, the ultimate fighter of the Packer Hai. Then the Packer Hai orcs started getting ready for battle. Pads would be put on them. They were given football helmets and footballs.   
"Hunt them down. You do not know fear, you do not know pain, you will taste gay flesh!" announced Dennis Green to the Packer Hai. The Packer Hai orcs shouted with great enthusiasm. Dennis Green then turned to Donald Driver.  
"One of the gays carries something of great value. Bring him to me alive, and unraped. Kill the others," said Dennis Green to Donald Driver. With that Donald Driver lead the Packer Hai out of the Metrodome and started heading for where the group was.  
  
The group was sitting at the foot of the bridge and eating out of their bags. They decided to make camp and rest a little before trying to tackle what challenge stood before them, Wisconsin.   
"Take some rest, we approach Wisconsin in the East tomorrow morning," said Sam.  
"That's it? An impossible labyrinth of razor sharp hills and after that it gets even better! Festering, stinking farmlands, far as the eye can see. We should go through the salt mines again!" said Gapli.  
"No Gapli, not the salt mines again. And all that crap you said before that is our road. I suggest you rest and regain your strength master freak," said Sam.  
"Hey where is Finny anyways? Did he go through the salt mines again?" asked Gapli.  
"I don't know. But I have to find him!" said Sam.  
  
Finny was wandering around mindlessly looking at all the structures of the bridge. For the might Mississippi River lied beneath it. Finny kept looking when suddenly Mikey came in picking up rocks to throw in the river.  
"None of us should wander alone. You least of all. So much depends on you. Finny?" said Mikey. He then looked at Finny and moved a little closer.  
"I know why you seek solitude. You suffer, I see it day by day. There are other ways, Finny. There are other paths that we can take," said Mikey.  
"I know what you would say and it would be a completely mindless and idiotic thing to say and do! Man you are stupid!" said Finny. This angered Mikey.  
"All right Finny just give me the damn ring," said Mikey.  
"No!" yelled Finny and started walking away. Mikey walked after him and started running to try and catch Finny.  
"It's not yours by any chance! Should be mine and will be mine! Give me the ring!" yelled Mikey, tackling Finny to the ground and starting to grab for the ring.  
"No!" yelled Finny as he fought to push Mikey off.  
"Give it to me!" yelled Mikey as his head went for Finny's neck where the ring hung.  
"Never!" yelled Finny as he quickly pulled out the ring and slipped it on his finger. Suddenly Finny vanished into thin air. He kicked Mikey and ran away invisible.  
"I see your mind. You'll betray us! You'll take the ring to Brett Favre and kill us all! Curse you! Curse you and all the gays!" said Mikey. Then invisible Finny kicked Mikey in the nuts with anger and annoyance. Mikey fell and started crying.  
"Finny, come back. Finny, I'm sorry!" yelled Mikey. But Finny was already running. He ran up the railing on the bridge and tried to hide. Suddenly there were shadows all around Finny as Lambo field suddenly came closer. Then Brett Favres face was above it laughing at Finny. Finny quickly yanked the ring off of his finger and fell to the ground. Suddenly there was a trampling sound. Gapli came up where Finny was and found him laying.  
"Finny?" asked Gapli.  
"It has taken Mikey," said Finny.  
"Where is the ring?" asked Gapli.  
"Stay away!" yelled Finny backing away from Gapli.  
"Finny, we're all in this together!" said Gapli.  
"Would you destroy it?" asked Finny. He held out his hand with the ring and Gapli approached it. Gapli made loud breathing sounds with his gaps as his hand reached for the ring. Suddenly he closed Finny's hand around it.  
"I would have gone with you to the salt mines again. To the very pillars of salt," said Gapli.  
"That's great but I'm going to Wisconsin alone or else the poison of the ring will turn me into a cheesehead and I'll kill you all. Take care of the others, especially Sam, he will not understand," said Finny. Suddenly Gapli looked shocked.  
"Go Finny," said Gapli, drawing his croquet mallet. Finny sniffed the air and smelt a powerful stench of cheese. This meant orcs were near the bridge.  
"Run Finny. Run!" yelled Gapli. Finny took off across the bridge which was on the Minnesota side of it. Gapli went down the bridge onto the land where a large group of Packer Hai orcs stood. They all started running towards Gapli as he held up his croquet mallet. He then swung and took one down. He swung again and knocked down another one. He kept toppling the orcs left and right. The orcs then spread out and started going to the edge of the bridge.   
"Fine the gays!" yelled Donald Driver to the Packer Hai orcs.  
Gapli jumped on some to try and stop them from getting to Finny. He beat one down with his croquet mallet. Finny was hiding behind the pillars to try to escape the Packer Hai orcs. They ran past him, not knowing he was there. Suddenly there came a screech.  
"The screech of Mikey," said Gapli. He started running where Mikey was and took out orcs that were in his way.   
As all the fighting was going on Sam was frantically looking for Finny.  
"Mr. Finny!" yelled Sam as he looked left and right in hope to see his butt buddy. He kept looking and not knowing of the Packer Hai orcs that were attacking. He ran through the ground towards the bridge in hope of finding Finny.  
The party continued to fight the Packer Hai orcs and was toppling them. Mikey would take his hockey stick and be slicing orcs left and right. He kept fighting when suddenly an orc that stood above the rest came. For it was Donald Driver. As Mikey was stabbing and orc with his hockey stick Donald Driver took up a football and aimed his arm at Mikey. He then thrust the football and hit Mikey in the chest. Mikey fell with pain and stayed on his knees for a bit. He then got up and started slicing orcs up again. He would slash one then turn around and stab another one. Donald Driver then launched another football at Mikey and hit in the gut. Mikey fell once again. He stayed for a bit then got up, a bit more weaker then before. He would clash with an orc and then stab them. Then come down slicing. Donald Driver then launched a third football and put Mikey out. Mikey fell to his knees and stayed there. The Packer Hai orcs then grabbed Mikey and took him away with them, heading for the metrodome.   
Suddenly Gapli came out of nowhere and plowed into Donald Driver. Donald took up a stick that was lying on the ground and clashed with Gapli. He then pushed Gapli up beside a tree and charged at him with his shoulder. Gapli jumped out of the way and left Donald plowing into the tree. Donald hit his knee and was weakened. He limped and punched Gapli in the face. He then punched him again and then kicked him. Gapli went a few yards away. Donald picked up a twig and chucked it at Gapli's head. Gapli swung his croquet mallet and deflected it. Then Donald picked up his stick and clashed with Gapli's croquet mallet. They swung and were clashing over and over when Gapli suddenly came down and hit Donald's arm, breaking it. He then hit Donald in the nuts with his croquet mallet. Donald then grabbed the croquet mallet and pushed it further into his nuts growling in Gapli's face. Gapli pulled it out and swung around. He hit Donald in the head and sent it flying off his neck. Donald's body fell. The Packer Hai were gone and Donald was dead. But Mikey was taken with them.  
Meanwhile Finny was at the edge of the bridge gazing into Wisconsin.  
"I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened," said Finny in his mind.  
"Well too bad because you have to whether you want to or not!" said an image of Harrygalf then slapped Finny.  
"Ow, how does an image slap me?" asked Finny.  
"Don't ask me. It's YOUR imagination," said the Harrygalf image. It then disappeared. Finny tucked the ring into his shirt and started heading towards Wisconsin. Suddenly Sam found Finny crossing the bridge and started screaming to him.  
"Finny no! Finny!" screamed Sam.  
"No Sam," said Finny, ignoring Sam and walking over the bridge. Sam then started going up the bridge.  
"Go back Sam! You can't climb up bridges!" yelled Finny. Sam ignored Finny and kept going. Sam then tripped and started sliding down the bridge.  
"Sam!" yelled Finny. He then ran up and grabbed Sam's hand, pulling him up.  
"I made a promise Mr. Finny. I promise to be your butt buddy!" said Sam.  
"Oh Sam," said Finny and hugged him. They then trudged over to the middle of the bridge.  
Meanwhile Gapli was walking around thinking of what to do.  
"It has all been in vain. The team has failed. But what if I'm true to Mikey? Well now the decision comes. I can either follow Finny and Sam, save Mikey, or go through the salt mines again!" said Gapli to himself.  
"Oh I guess I HAVE to save Mikey. But then I'm going through the salt mines!" said Gapli. He then picked up his croquet mallet and started following the Packer Hai orcs.  
Meanwhile Finny and Sam finally reached the middle of the bridge. They gazed down into Wisconsin below and saw lambo field in the distance.  
"There it is Sam, Wisconsin. I hope the others find a safer road," said Finny.  
"Yeah or else they'll get their asses kicked BAD!" said Sam.  
"Sam, I'm glad you're with me," said Finny. They then started down the bridge and into Wisconsin. 


	9. The Hunt

The Two Stadiums  
  
Gapli ran over fields. He ran over rocks, brooks, rivers, and hills. He kept running for 3 days and nights without any rest, any food, or any sort of nourishment. For he would hunt down the Packer Hai orcs and slay them to get Mikey back. His gaps breathed louder than before as he trudged over the land.  
"Damn it this is hard! Man 3 days and nights without any sleep or food and I still haven't caught the orcs! I wonder if how far they are away," said Gapli. Gapli tried checking the ground for sounds of orc steps. He hard the trudging then quickened. For the Packer Hai orcs must have picked up his scent.   
"Man how come the orcs are going faster? I'll never catch them! I should have gone through the salt mines when I still had the chance. But no, I just HAD to try to save Mikey. Man the little prick almost killed our whole party! Why am I saving him? And look at me now, I'm talking to myself! I must be going insane. But yet, Mikey always did slap some sense into me when I was obsessed with the salt mines. So I guess he's worth saving. Anyways now that I've wasted a good five minutes of talking to myself, I better check to see how far the orcs are away," said Gapli.   
With that, Gapli went on top of a small cliff and pulled out a pair of binoculars. He saw the orcs in the distance running with Mikey on top.  
"Jeez it's going to take forever to catch up to them! Oh well I guess I should just start out right now," said Gapli. He then leaped down from the rocks and kept going.  
"Just gotta breathe through the gaps, that's the key. I think," said Gapli. After another day of running Gapli was about to give up.  
"They're too fast for me! I can't catch them! Jeez stupid orcs, why did they have to run away anyways? Why did they even want Mikey? He's a prick!" said Gapli. Gapli then laid down and made up camp. As Gapli ate he thought about Mikey and all the stuff he did to him. He actually didn't find anything good in Mikey. Mikey seemed to be the ultimate evil, more evil possibly than Brett Favre himself. But that couldn't be. After camp Gapli was fully refreshed and ready to start again.  
"Wait a second, when I finally catch up to them, I'm going to have to fight them! Jeez I'm gonna pass out by the time this hunt it over!" said Gapli. But little did Gapli know, that something else was happening as he hunted them. 


	10. Packer Hai

As Gapli was hunting, there were other things happening with the Packer Hai orcs. Mikey would sit on top as they carried him throughout the lands. They picked up Gapli's trail awhile back and decided to quicken their pace. After walking for a day they decided to make up camp. As they were eating, they complained about their food.   
"We haven't had meat in a long time. It's just been cheese, cheese, cheese, that's all we eat!" said one of the stranger looking Packer Hai orcs.  
"I know but there hasn't been meat around for us to eat," said the leader of the orcs.  
"What about him? He looks mighty tasty," said the strange orc.  
"He is not for eating! He is needed for Dennis Green, he wants him alive!" said the leader.  
"Oh come on, we could chop off his legs. He doesn't need his legs," said the strange orc.  
"Dennis Green said he wanted him unspoiled too," said the leader.  
"Forget it! I'm sick of what Dennis Green says! I'm eating him!" said the strange orc. He then started in for Mikey. The leader then tackled the strange orc and smashed his head on a rock, killing him instantly.  
"Well we now have meat to eat!" said the leader. The orcs then dove in and started gobbling up the dead orc. Mikey stared in horror. Suddenly a football flew and knocked an orc to the ground, killing him. A group of Vikings came up and started beating down the Packer Hai orcs. They would throw footballs and bash the Packer Hai orc's heads on the ground. It was a brutal battle. Not one Viking player fell. As the battle was going on, Mikey found that he was free. He quickly crawled beneath all of the fighting and fled for a nearby forest. Then the leader of the Vikings came up through the crowd. Obviously their leader. He picked up a stick and so did the leader of the Packer Hai.  
The leader of the Vikings swung and clashed with the Packer Hai. They clashed again. The Packer Hai tried a low shot but the leader of the Vikings jumped over it. The Packer Hai leader then tried a high shot but the leader of the Vikings ducked under. He then swung the stick and broke against the Packer Hai's pads, leaving a sharp point to the stick. The Viking leader then stabbed the Packer Hai leader in the neck, killing him.  
After all the slaughter and bloodshed, the Vikings gathered up all the bodies of the Packer Hai orcs and put them in a pile. They then doused them with gasoline and lit a match. There was a great bonfire and charred all the bodies of the Packer Hai. The Vikings then got marshmallows and had a great party around the dead Packer Hai's. After the party was done, all the Vikings mounted their mighty bus and rode off. For they were going in the direction that Gapli was.   
Mikey then slipped off into the strange forest. For he didn't know where he was, or what was going to happen. He also didn't know what he was going to meet there. But little did he know that one of the Packer Hai orcs, slipped away from the crowd and was following him. The Packer Hai took out a knife he had and hunted Mikey. 


	11. Events in Faggot Forest

Gapli continued his pursuit of the Packer Hai orcs, panting as he ran through the open fields. For he knew he was gaining on the orcs. Suddenly as he was resting he realized something that he had been too stupid before to realize. That the orcs were carrying Mikey to the metrodome! Why Gapli had no clue but he knew he must stop them before the evil Dennis Green got him.   
Suddenly as Gapli was wondering the fields, he heard a rumbling. For he saw a bus coming right towards him. It must have been the bus to the Packer Hai! For Gapli quickly ran behind a rock like a coward so that the Packer Hai wouldn't slaughter him horribly. Suddenly as the bus zoomed past Gapli, he stared and saw that it was no Packer Hai bus! It was the bus of the Vikings! So Gapli dove out of his hiding place and shouted to it.  
"Riders of the Vikings!" yelled Gapli to the bus. The bus then stopped and went in reverse. Suddenly the doors flew open and the Vikings came out. They surrounded Gapli and pointed footballs at him. Suddenly the leader came to the front and approached Gapli.  
"What is a freak doing in this part of Minnesota?" asked the leader.  
"I know you! You're the running back Micheal Bennett!" said Gapli.  
"That doesn't matter, what are you doing here?" asked Micheal.  
"I was hunting the Packer Hai orcs, for they have one of my friends," said Gapli.  
"The Packer Hai? They are all dead. Last night, we killed all of them. We left none alive," said Micheal Bennett.  
"Did you find a gay with the orcs? His name is Mikey Brandybuck," said Gapli.  
"No we didn't. We piled the carcasses and burned them. There was nothing left alive. I'm sorry. If you want to investigate it, it's up there a waise," said Micheal Bennett. Gapli then got a scared look on his face. The Vikings piled into a bus and drove off down the road. Gapli then followed to the area where the smoke was coming from. There were orc bodies that were plowed, butchered, and smashed all over in a burnt pile. Gapli started digging through them to try and find something. He didn't find anything useful until he hit about the middle of the pile. It was a pair of briefs. Small briefs too, something only a gay would wear. Gapli knew what this meant.  
"Nooooooooo! Mikey! Why?" screamed Gapli. He then went down on his knees and started crying like a baby. Suddenly he noticed something. There was a trail of piss.  
"Only Mikey pisses all over the place!" said Gapli. He then followed the trail of piss into the forest.  
  
Meanwhile Mikey was running, pissing all over the place from fear. For the orc was still behind him. He looked pack and saw the orc limping with a knife in his hand.  
"I'll get you now," said the orc. Mikey then climbed up a tree. The orc grabbed his foot and was trying to pull him down to slaughter him. Mikey struggled to get the orc off. He kicked and kicked but the orc didn't let go. Suddenly a branch fell with a person on it and squashed the orc. The person then got up and pulled Mikey down. He put Mikey in a grasp and held him.   
"You look like a little orc," said the person.  
"No! I'm not! I'm what they call a gay," said Mikey.  
"A gay? I've never heard of gays before," said the person.  
"My name is Mikey Brandybuck and I live down south," said Mikey.  
"I've never been there," said the person.  
"I didn't know people lived in the forest," said Mikey.  
"Yes, my name is Isaac and I'm a tree hugging hippey. And you look like an orc to me," said Isaac.  
"No I'm not really! Why won't you believe me?" asked Mikey.  
"Orcs come in here all the time and lie to us. They then chop down the trees. Their killing all the trees in the world!" said Isaac.  
"Well I would never do that. I'm here to help you," said Mikey.  
"Well, I don't know if I should believe you but I'll have to see what the leader of the Vikings has to say," said Isaac.  
"Dennis Green!" said Mikey. Suddenly there was a flash of light and a figure of a man was shown.  
  
With Mikey disappeared in the forest, Gapli continued to try and find him. He would follow the piss until there was no more.   
"Hmmmmmm his trail ends here," said Gapli. Suddenly Gapli realized where he was.  
"Faggot forest. This forest is old. Very old. Full of memory, and litter. Mikey must be here somewhere!" said Gapli. He continued through the vines following Mikey's tracks when suddenly he came to an area.  
"The leader of the Vikings. Dennis Green!" shouted Gapli scared. Suddenly there was a flash of light. Gapli picked up rocks and were throwing them but they all got deflected by the figure. Then the light died down and the figure emerged. Gapli was shocked to see who it was. 


	12. Decisions

The figure came up to Gapli. Gapli still couldn't believe who it was.  
"It can't be," said Gapli. For Harrygalf the white emerged from the light. For Harrygalf was covered in white and appeared in a Viking's jersey.  
"But…but you went to the TV sale. How are you here? Why aren't you still looking at TV's?" asked Gapli.  
"Let me explain to you. After the Melrog was defeated I went since those TV's were pretty cheap. Not to mention I could buy one to watch the game on. Well I was staring at this one TV that caught my eye when suddenly I must have suffered a blow to the head. I don't know what happened but all I know is I woke up in the back of a Packer fan powdered milk truck. Well I fought the driver on the highest hill of the highway. After numerous clashing I finally threw him out of his seat. He flew out and skidded on the road. Then suddenly the truck crashed into a tree. After that I saw powder, endless powder. And when all the powder cleared I have become Harrygalf the white," said Harrygalf.   
"So that's what happened. I never would have knew," said Gapli.  
"Yes but now we must hurry, for I feel that Dennis Green is going to try and rid the world of the Viking fans," said Harrygalf. With that Harrygalf and Gapli bolted out of Faggot Forest.  
  
Meanwhile Isaac drug Mikey through the forest.  
"Hmmm Harrygalf said he knew you but I don't know," said Isaac.  
"I didn't know Harrygalf broke away so soon," said Mikey.  
"Well now I will take you to my home. For these woods are not safe for little men like you," said Isaac.  
"Why are they so dangerous?" asked Mikey.  
"Well orcs come in here all the time and chop down wood for their flames in the metrodome. Us tree hugging hippies are hurt. I had mistaken you for an orc and the other hippies would too," said Isaac.  
"Yes the orcs, lead by Dennis Green," said Mikey.  
"Yes, Dennis Green! Damn him! He leads those filthy disgusting Packer fans, chopping down all the trees! I hate him with all my heart and soul!" said Isaac.  
"Such hatred for one single being. Perhaps you should join us in the war against him," said Mikey.  
"Perhaps but it must be discussed in the council," said Isaac. He then took out a horn and blew through it. Suddenly, tree hugging hippies came out of everywhere. Each wearing a little something different.  
"Yes all the tree hugging hippies! Each representing ash, oak, and willow. We will now have the council. You wait over there while we discuss," said Isaac. So the tree hugging hippies started talking while Mikey impatiently waited in the corner of the wood.  
  
Meanwhile Dennis Green had sent the Packer Hai orcs to small town in the rural area of the twin cities. There the Viking fans dwelled and were living peaceful. Suddenly the Packer Hai orcs raided and drove people from their houses. They beat down Viking fans and smashed them into the ground. They killed even the women and children. Houses were doused with gasoline and set a flame. It was a gruesome sight. The surviving Viking fans fled. For this was the first attack that the Packer Hai would attempt on the Viking fans. But this attack was small. For there would be much greater ones that would come… 


	13. Restoring the Coach

While all the people fled from the small village, coach Mike Tice sat on his throne. He was very weathered down and lifeless. All he would do is sit, barely talking, barely breathing, barely doing anything. For his assistant Cunningham would give him the supposed right advice. While all the people were suffering, Cunningham kept telling Mike Tice that that was the right thing to do.  
  
Gapli and Harrygalf trudged from Faggot forest up to the rural areas of the twin cities. They gazed at all the buildings standing above them. They also started making their way up to the house on the hill. For this was Mike Tice's house where he dwelled. As they approached all the Viking fans of the village would look at them. They climbed the stairs and finally reached the hallway where two Viking guards were standing.  
"You cannot see coach Mike Tice unless you are unarmed," said the guard. So Gapli gave them his croquet mallet and anything else he had. Just as the guards were going for Harrygalf's remote on top of his staff, Harrygalf stopped them.  
"You would not pardon a coach potato from his remote would you?" asked Harrygalf. The guards decided not to. So Gapli and Harrygalf went into the house. For the main room was great, Viking guards on both sides. They both approached the coach Mike Tice who was sitting on the throne at the front of the room. Suddenly Cunningham noticed who it was and snapped at one of the guards.  
"I told you to take the remote!" said Cunningham. The guards then closed in to try and get the remote. Gapli then fought them off. Suddenly Harrygalf shot a beam out of his remote. It struck Mike Tice.  
"Let him go!" yelled Harrygalf.  
"No! The Viking fans will fall!" said Mike Tice. Obviously Dennis Green was controlling Mike Tice with a chip that Cunningham planted on the back of his neck.  
"Get out of his body!" yelled Harrygalf.  
"If I go, he dies!" yelled Mike Tice.  
"You couldn't kill me, you won't kill him!" yelled Harrygalf. Then suddenly in a small poof of smoke, the chip on the back of Mike Tice's neck exploded. Back at the metrodome the computer that Dennis Green was controlling Mike Tice with exploded and sent him flying back. Then Mike Tice got up and the age disappeared from his face. He suddenly looked young and enthusiastic again. For Mike Tice had been freed from the evil curse. Cunningham got a scared look on his face.  
"You did this to me! Assassinate him!" yelled Mike Tice. The guards took him by his arms.  
"No wait! He is just a pathetic player. Let him go," said Harrygalf.  
"Very well," said Mike Tice. The guards then took Cunningham out and kicked him down the stairs. Then Cunningham fled the rural areas of the cities and went back to the metrodome. Then Mike Tice was with Harrygalf looking at what he had just done.  
"It was not your fault. He would have gone soon anyways," said Harrygalf.  
"Yes but a coach should never have to fire his player," said Mike Tice. He then wept with great passion at the loss of Cunningham. After he was done weeping Harrygalf told him of the situation.  
"Dennis Green is planning an attack. There is a union now between the two stadiums, the metrodome and lambo field. Dennis Green's goal is to defeat all the Viking fans. He is building a great army of orcs to destroy each and every one of the fans," said Harrygalf.   
"Then he will obviously strike the rural areas of the cities. We must move all the women and children to helmet's deep in St. Paul. For it was a very old stadium. It protected the Viking fans then, it is our only hope for defense now," said Mike Tice. They then gathered up all the women and children of the Viking fans and started heading for St. Paul. Harrygalf and Gapli stood watch in case any attacks would come. For the road to St. Paul was dangerous and needed their protection.  
  
Meanwhile Mikey still waited as the tree hugging hippies discussed. They talked amongst themselves in their hippie language in which Mikey didn't understand. For he was hoping that they would decide to go to war against the metrodome. They would be a great offense for the side of the Vikings. Suddenly they stopped talking. Isaac, their leader turned to Mikey with their decision.  
"We have made our decision," said Isaac. He then went into a droop. Mikey gave an anxious face and tried to hurry Isaac up.   
"Well? What is it?" asked Mikey.  
"We have decided that you aren't an orc," said Isaac.  
"Well that's great. What about the war?" asked Mikey.  
"We are still discussing that. Please don't be hasty," said Isaac.  
"Hasty?" asked Mikey. He then sat back down into the impatient slump and waited for Isaac and the other tree hugging hippies to make their decision.  
  
Meanwhile Cunningham finally got back to Dennis Green. He told Dennis Green all about what happened.  
"So they are going on the road to Helmet's Deep? Send the dogs loose. We will destroy the Vikings fans on their way there. Leave no woman or child alive," said Dennis Green. Then the orcs let the vicious dogs loose and gave them the scent of the Vikings fans. The dogs then bolted out and headed for the group of fans. 


	14. Beginnings of War

The small group of Vikings heads treaded on through the plains to St. Paul where Helmet's Deep would protect them. Harrygalf and Gapli would be on the watch out for anything that might harm the women and children. Mike Tice their coach was leading them. The group went over the plains, crossed roads, and wearily walked. The group wasn't alone without fighters though. There were some of the Vikings there with them, to help aid Harrygalf and Gapli in their defense of the Vikings fans. The fans were resting as Harrygalf was suddenly on top of a hill. Suddenly something spotted his eye. "Dogs!" yelled Harrygalf. Suddenly the fans panicked. For they were fearing that the dogs would come and kill them. Mike Tice quickly lead the fans over to safety where they would not be harmed. Suddenly the dogs started coming over the hill. Harrygalf shot one down with a beam from his remote. He then shot another one. Then the Vikings came up at the head. They charged down the hill at the dogs. The two armies kept charging at each other, getting closer and closer. The Vikings getting ready to plow. Then they plowed into the dogs, knocking a few back. The dogs fell to the ground dead. Gapli swung his croquet mallet and fell a dog. Harrygalf was beating down dogs left and right. The dogs would bite some of the Vikings and kill them. Suddenly a dog came charging at Gapli. He swung his croquet mallet and killed it. The dog fell on Gapli. Then a dog came above the dead one and growled in Gapli's face. Gapli fell that dog. With a majority of the dogs dead, Harrygalf grabbed one of the dogs. He swung on top of it and rid it. Suddenly Harrygalf slipped and was hanging on by the dog's hair. The dog then sailed over a cliff, and took Harrygalf with him. Gapli stared in shock as Harrygalf flew down with the dog. For it seemed that Harrygalf was dead. The rest of the dogs were slayed and the group trudged wearily over the plains. Suddenly as they entered St. Paul, they finally made it. Helmet's Deep stood above them. An old ruined stadium with tough brick walls. The Vikings fans entered Helm's Deep and prepared to defend. Gapli went out to scout to see if any oncoming enemy was at hand.  
  
Meanwhile the hippies talked amongst themselves for what seemed like forever to Mikey. Mikey tried to make out what they were saying but he couldn't understand the hippie language. Finally Isaac turned to Mikey. "We have come to an agreement," said Isaac. "Well what is it?" asked Mikey. "That this is not our war. We hippies should stay out of it," said Isaac. "But you have to help! You're part of this state! You have to help us save football!" yelled Mikey. "I'm sorry but we mustn't get into things that we don't belong," said Isaac. He then loaded Mikey into the hippie van and slowly drove through the forest. "I will drop you off in the south so that you can find your way home," said Isaac. As he drove south to Mikey's hometown. Mikey then sat and thought a little. Suddenly it hit him. "Wait! Take me north," said Mikey. "North? I don't know why you want to go North but if you desire to, I'll drop you off there," said Isaac. He then turned the van around and started slowly going north through the forest. "I've always liked going north. It's like mountain climbing in the van," said Isaac.  
  
Meanwhile Dennis Green sat in his stadium. Cunningham sat at his side listening to him as he spoke. For Dennis Green was devising a plan. "We must destroy the Viking fans," said Dennis Green. "Yes but my lord, where are we going to get an army big enough to rid the world of all the fans?" asked Cunningham. "I have been working on an army, a powerful army that is unbeatable," said Dennis Green. "But still, this army must be large enough," said Cunningham. Dennis Green then lead Cunningham to the top of the stadium and overlooked the parking lot. There ten thousand Packer Hai orcs stood with weapons and armor. Cunningham's jaw dropped. "My Packer Hai army! We are here to defeat the world of Vikings fans! March now to Helmet's Deep, that is where they lie. Leave no one alive, not one woman or child," said Dennis Green. "But my lord, how to expect to break the walls of the stadium?" asked Cunningham. "Ah that is easy, for there is the doorway where they sell tickets. We just need to blow up that part with dynamite and then the orcs can easily get in and slaughter every man, woman, and child. The world of the Vikings fans will certainly fall. He then sent the Packer Hai out and they marched on the way to Helmet's Deep. 


	15. Helmet's Deep

As Gapli was scouting, he suddenly noticed something in the distance. He quickly ran up to get a closer look. Suddenly, he was shocked. There were ten thousand Packer Hai orcs marching to Helmet's Deep. Gapli quickly ran back to the stadium and burst through the doors. Everyone greeted him as he came. Gapli then went up to coach Mike Tice.  
"Mike Tice there are Packer Hai orcs coming!" said Gapli.  
"How many?" asked Mike Tice.  
"Ten thousand," said Gapli. Mike Tice then turned with a scared look on his face.  
"Ten thousand?!?" asked Mike Tice nervously.  
"Yes, they are marching here from the Metrodome. They will reach here by nightfall," said Gapli.  
"We must prepare," said Mike Tice. So they quickly went to work. Mike Tice put all the woman and children fans in the basement and locked the doors. Then he took all the men fans there were and began preparing them. He would put them all in pads and give them footballs. Suddenly Gapli investigated the troops.  
"These are not Vikings, they are just fanboys!" yelled Gapli.  
"We have no other choice. We don't have anyone to fight against the Packer Hai orcs. Don't you see it's impossible. Ten thousand against 300, we will surely be defeated," said Mike Tice.  
"Then I will be defeated with you!" said Gapli.   
"Wait," thought Gapli.  
"What now?" asked Mike Tice.  
"What about confronting the workers or other fans?" asked Gapli.  
"Other fans would not get here before nightfall. And we do not share bonds with the workers anymore. It used to be where the workers played and were defeated together, but now those bonds have broken. No one will come. We are on our own," said Mike Tice. They then went and put up the lines. Putting all the fanboys on the top of the stadium and overlooking the parking lot. Some were put in the stadium in case the Packer Hai broke the doors down.   
  
Meanwhile while Helmet's Deep was getting prepared for battle, the gomans and Kwik Trip were talking over the phone.  
"Why should we help them? Fans have done nothing for us, just cheered for a team and not caring about anything else but football," said Alrond.  
"Still we must help them. For it is the fate of Middle Earth, if the world of the fans fall, there will be nothing left but the workers and the freaks. And the workers are leaving and the freaks don't care. So see? If fans fall, all our hope will be lost," said Gladys over her cell phone.  
"Yes but my people will be leaving soon. We do not have time to fight for the freedom of the fans," said Alrond.  
"Very well, then I will send my own workers to Helmet's Deep to fight, where the future of the fans will live or die," said Gladys.   
  
Meanwhile the gates were being sealed. Last minute arrangements were getting ready. For it was already becoming dusk. The day grew late and the fans could already here the marching footsteps of the Packer Hai orcs. They got closer and closer. Suddenly a horn blew.   
"That's not a Packer Hai horn!" said Gapli. The fans then opened the gates and in came the workers of Kwik Trip, each with shotguns. Bob then came up to the front.  
"You came," said Mike Tice.  
"I remembered when fans and workers used to play and be defeated together. Those bonds will now be restored," said Bob. Then all the fans and workers of Kwik Trip got into positions.  
After everything was set, all they could do was wait. Gapli waited impatiently for the Packer Hai to come. Night was falling. Torches of the Packer Hai were seen in the distance. A great battle would happen tonight. A battle like none other that was seen. The battle for the future of the fans.   
Packer Hai orcs approached the wall. They each held long field goal posts in their hands. Then they started banging the field goal posts on the ground as if it were a war chant. The army looked in fear. There were Packer Hai's spread across the parking lot, far as the eye can see. Suddenly one of the fans got a muscle cramp in his arm and threw a football. It hit a Packer Hai in the head and he fell. For the first of the Packer Hai orcs were slain. Suddenly all the Packer Hai orcs stopped and stared at the one that was slain. This was the beginning of war.  
The Packer Hai charged at the stadium. Suddenly Gapli fired an attack. Footballs and shotgun bullets then flew. It took out the first two lines of the Packer Hai orcs. Then another launch was set. The Packer Hai fell again.   
"Is this the best that Dennis Green can give us?" asked Mike Tice.  
The Packer Hai continued their attack. They then approached the wall and threw up ladders. The Packer Hai climbed up the ladders to get to the wall. The fans and workers kept knocking the Packer Hai back. But there were too many of them. The Packer Hai got onto the wall and started attacking. For up there was a great battle. Both workers and fans fell alike. Suddenly the Packer Hai came up with the field goal posts and took out numerous workers. Battle continued, both ramming and shooting. Packer Hai were falling left and right. Gapli shared in his battle. He would swing his croquet mallet and take out all the Packer Hai around him on the wall.   
The Packer Hai on the wall were thrown off and were being held back. Suddenly one Packer Hai came up with a stick of dynamite.   
"Kill him!" yelled Gapli. One of the workers then shot him with the shotgun. He was wounded but didn't fall.  
"Quick! Kill him!" yelled Gapli again. The worker shot him again but it did not use. The Packer Hai orc reached the ticket selling box in the doorway.  
"Take cover!" yelled Gapli. The Packer Hai orc dived and took out himself, and a group of other Packer Hai. The wall exploded and left a big gaping hole in the middle of it. But suddenly loose turf was set loose and spilled out upon the parking lot, taking out numerous Packer Hai. The Packer Hai's plan had failed. But they were not done yet. They took the end of the field goal post and started ramming the door. But the battle still continued on the wall. Suddenly a tragic event happened. For a Packer Hai came up and rammed Bob. He fell. Then he was rammed again and fell of the wall to his death. Gapli then started taking out Packer Hai on the wall. For they were still trying to get into the doorway. Then Gapli snuck down to where they were. He saw a small leap where a crack in the parking lot was. Gapli quickly leapt over it and landed in a huge mass of Packer Hai orcs, trying to get into the broken doorway. For it was made of double layers. Gapli then started swinging his croquet mallet and taking out Packer Hai orcs left and right. He quickly conquered all the Packer Hai in front of the door.   
Then the Packer Hai came up with the battling ram again and continued to ram the door. Gapli quickly fled and went inside where Mike Tice was sitting. For he was getting ready to go out.  
"Mike Tice, the battle is fierce," said Gapli.  
"I know," said Mike Tice.  
"Well Mike Tice, as their king, and as this is the fate of the fans, I ask you now to ride out with me," said Gapli. Then Mike Tice and Gapli quickly got on motorcycles, just ask the Packer Hai broke open the door. The Packer Hai poured in and the fans would take out all the Packer Hai coming. They then went out into the crowd and continued their slaughter of the Packer Hai. But there were too many of them. When suddenly, just about as dawn was to spring, there came a shape upon a hill. For it was Harrygalf the white! He had survived after all! And behind Harrygalf there was Micheal Bennett and all the riders of the Vikings on classy motorcycles. Harrygalf then lead the small army down and the Packer Hai got ready. They held their field goal posts out so the riders would get impaled by them. But Harrygalf took out a flood light and quickly blinded all the Packer Hai orcs. Then the Vikings poured into the Packer Hai and took out a majority of them. The Packer Hai knew defeat and the remaining half fled from the fear of the Vikings and the fans. They then disappeared into the wilderness, and were never seen again.  
"Victory!" yelled Mike Tice, along with the cheers of the fans. For the fans were safe and the Packer Hai army was finally defeated. The fans would survive into the future.   
  
After the battle, Harrygalf and Gapli met up. For they discussed the battle and what was yet to come.  
"The battle for Helmet's Deep is over. The battle for the NFL, still needs to be fought. But you are a great leader, Gapli. Come, we must now go to the metrodome. For we have work that must be done there too," said Harrygalf. With that, all the fans and the Vikings trudged over to Minneapolis which bordered St. Paul. For they didn't know what had happened there, but they would soon find out. 


	16. Downfall of the Metrodome

Isaac went slowly through the forest. For the tree hugging hippies were very cautious in driving in case they hit anything which would cause harm to themselves or nature. As Isaac went, Mikey panicked and hoped that his plan would work. Isaac finally came within distance of the north end of the forest.   
"We're approaching the north end," said Isaac.  
"Good," said Mikey.  
"Why did you want to go to the north end anyways?" asked Isaac.  
"I had something I wanted to do," said Mikey.  
"Oh, well it's coming up," said Isaac. Isaac then continued until he reached a clearing. There, fallen tree stumps stood. Isaac stared at it like a deer stares at oncoming headlights.  
"What happened?" asked Isaac.  
"Dennis Green ripped the trees down to make the metrodome," said Mikey.  
"These trees were special to me, they were my own kind, they were part of the world, they were so close that they were my friends," said Isaac. Then Isaac had a mad outburst and pressed down on his horn so the sound spread throughout the forest. Suddenly all the tree hugging hippies came driving up in vans. Isaac then put up the loud speaker on top of his van as the hippies crowded and stood on top of his van.  
"Attention tree hugging hippies. Something terrible has happened today, that will forever go down in history. For Dennis Green, the formal leader of the Vikings, a traitor and coward at that, has ripped down all the trees in this area so that room could be made for the metrodome. Did the trees do anything to him? Did they form an army to try to kill the race of Packer Hai's? Did they rip down his walls so that they could grow? Did they kidnap this poor gay so that they could take the ring for domination purposes? NO! So what do we, the tree hugging hippies of faggot forest do? We do what he did to us! We form an army to kill all the Packer Hai's! We rip down his walls so the trees can grow! And we defeat him! Come now! The tree hugging hippies are going to war!" exclaimed Isaac with great enthusiasm.   
After Isaac's three fricken hour long speech, the tree hugging hippies got into their vans and started gassing them up. Normally hippies would be cautious with their vehicle, but this time they would go all out. Signs of hippie rage. So the hippies floored it and sped through the suburbs towards the metrodome. There, the Packer Hai orcs stood. The tree hugging hippies trudged into the parking lot and started running over the orcs. They crashed and killed many orcs under their tires. After a great many orcs died, they all set their vans on auto drive towards the metrodome. Then, they bailed and sent their vans flying at full speed into the walls. The vans exploded as they hit the walls and did great damage to the metrodome.   
The hippies weren't done after that. Being the neat freaks and nature lovers that they were, they decided to clean up the mess, and restore nature in that part. By the only way possible, releasing the Mississippi River back into it's original location. The River was dammed so that no water would get into the area the metrodome was in. So the hippies quickly went into the nearby bushes, and took out their hidden canoes. One hippie then planted a stick of dynamite in the dam wall. The hippies quickly got into their canoes and got ready for the rush. They gripped their paddles tightly. Suddenly, the dynamite exploded and the mighty Mississippi River rushed in through the damaged wall. It flooded the parking lot and drowned all the orcs there. It then soaked into the cracks and flooded the inside of the metrodome. All the orcs in their died too. All that was left was Dennis Green and Cunningham. As for the hippies the water rushed them up and they floated in their canoes. They started pattling around. Suddenly the tsunami wave started coming towards Isaac.  
"Hold on little one," said Isaac, who had Mikey in his canoe. The water hit and washed Isaac up to the surface of the river. Isaac floated and started paddling towards the rest of the hippies.  
"We have won, the metrodome is defeated. This will be a great day in the history of all the tree hugging hippies and nature lovers to come! For we have done the impossible task of defeated the metrodome in one single day. A whole army of hippies against an army of deadly orcs, with strong weapons that you cannot imagine," Isaac lectured on. After more hours of that, all the hippies were asleep.  
"UP YOU FOOLS I'M DONE!" yelled Isaac. They all suddenly popped awake. Isaac then paddled Mikey to the front of the parking lot to keep watch for any intruders. 


	17. Breaking of the Contract

Harrygalf and Gapli trudged over the plains, leading the group of fans to the metrodome.   
"Why are we going to the metrodome again?" asked Gapli.  
"We're going to defeat it," said Harrygalf.  
"Why?" asked Gapli.  
"Cause they're really started to piss me off," said Harrygalf. As they approached it, they saw smoke in the nearby distance.   
"What? Quick, there's smoke! Something must have happened!" yelled Harrygalf. With that the party quickly ran as fast as they could to the metrodome. By the time they got there, the fans were all exhausted and trying to regain their breath. Harrygalf saw the destruction and stared at it in shock and awe.  
"DAMN IT! I WANTED TO DESTROY THE METRODOME MYSELF! WHOEVER DID THIS IS GONNA DIE!" yelled Harrygalf at the top of his lungs. Suddenly Mikey came out.  
"Why hello my old friends! It's good to see you again!" said Mikey.  
"Mikey? But the Packer Hai captured you. I thought you were dead," said Gapli.  
"It's a long story but I'm not. Anyways the tree hugging hippies just destroyed the metrodome!" said Mikey excited.  
"What? You destroyed the metrodome! You little…" said Harrygalf evilly and started strangling Mikey. Mikey gagged and choked.  
"I'll teach you to do my own work you little son of a…" said Harrygalf but he was suddenly cut off.  
"Hey stop that. Leave the gay alone," said a voice. Harrygalf looked up.  
"Ahh Isaac, I haven't seen you in quite some time," said Harrygalf.   
"Damn Harrygalf knows everyone," said Mikey to Gapli.  
"I know, he must really get around," said Gapli.  
"No, everyone just comes over my damn house all the time!" yelled Harrygalf, overhearing what the gay and the freak were talking about.  
"Anyways, we destroyed all the orcs and flooded the place. The orcs could have maimed us, but we ambushed them and ran them over before they could. So the metrodome is defeated. But good luck getting through it. For we hippies had to use our canoes. Anyways now that work is done, we will return to faggot forest, to praise the loveliness of nature," said Isaac. With that him and the other tree hugging hippies all started walking back to faggot forest.  
"Ok…that was a little unexpected. But I still can't believe they defeated the metrodome! I wanted to do it!" yelled Harrygalf. Harrygalf, Gapli, and Mikey then all went into one of the hippie's canoes and started paddling out to the metrodome.   
"Be carefule of Dennis Green's voice, it will try to lull you into a contract with him," said Harrygalf.  
"But only stupid people get lulled into contracts!" said Gapli. Everyone gave him an evil glare.  
"What?" asked Gapli. After what seemed like years of paddling, the group finally reached the edge of the metrodome. There Dennis Green stood on top with Cunningham behind him.  
"Dennis Green come out!" yelled Harrygalf up.  
"No, you will kill me and eat my skin," said Dennis Green.  
"Hey stop, that's making me hungry," said Gapli. Everyone then evilly stared at him.  
"What?" asked Gapli. Mikey then slapped Gapli across the face.  
"Ahhhh I was starting to miss that," said Mikey.   
"No Dennis, we do not want to kill you. And we DEFINITELY don't want to eat your skin. We don't know where you've been. But as for Cunningham," said Harrygalf, licking his lips. Cunningham gave a scared look to Dennis Green.  
"You will not eat him, he has more disgusting skin then what I have," said Dennis Green.  
"Yeah but his name ends in ham…mmmmmm…ham…." Said Harrygalf, zoning out and drooling in the canoe almost sinking it. Suddenly Harrygalf snapped out of it.  
"Anyways, you are defeated Dennis Green, give it up," said Harrygalf.  
"No, never. The Packers will always rule the Vikings! You cannot win! Mwuahahahahahaha!" said Dennis Green.  
"Well, you were defeated by some hippies. Shows how strong the Packers are," said Harrygalf.  
"Hey shut up! Say, you guys look like some good players. How bout you join my new team? You'll make 6 million dollars a year," said Dennis Green.  
"Yeah!" yelled Gapli and whipped out a pen. Harrygalf then slapped Gapli.  
"I told you not to listen to his voice!" yelled Harrygalf.  
"Hey, slapping Gapli is my job!" yelled Mikey. Mikey then slapped Harrygalf.  
"Don't you slap me!" yelled Harrygalf back and slapped Mikey really hard, leaving a hand print on hit face. Gapli then slapped Harrygalf, and Mikey slapped Gapli. They all started slapping each other in the canoe and were bruising all their faces. Finally Harrygalf yelled.  
"ENOUGH!" yelled Harrygalf. Mikey and Gapli both stopped in mid air of slapping each other and held their hands inches from each other's face. They both looked at Harrygalf with confusion.  
"This slapping is getting us no where. Anyways, we still have business to attend to," said Harrygalf.  
"Like getting our 6 million dollar contracts!" yelled Gapli.  
"NO!" yelled Harrygalf. Mikey then slapped Gapli and sent him overboard. The cool water washed away all the possession of Gapli.  
"Damn it I can't take it anymore! Dennis Green you are fired!" yelled Harrygalf. With that Harrygalf lifted his remote and shot a beam at Dennis Green's chest. Dennis's shirt opened up and his contract came floating out. It then ripped in half in mid air and floated in two pieces towards the ground.   
"You are no longer in power, Dennis Green," said Harrygalf.  
"Damn you, I'll get my revenge!" yelled Dennis. With that he disappeared back into the metrodome.  
"He is now harmless. The contract is what gives him his power. Anyways now we must set out," said Harrygalf.  
"To where?" asked Mikey.  
"To the border of Wisconsin. We must meet with the other groups of fans," said Harrygalf. With that they head our towards the great city on the border of Wisconsin. 


	18. Taming of Nick

Finny and Sam trudged down the bridge. They started climbing over railings, fallen rocks, bars, and numerous other things just lying on the bridge. It was a steep climb to the bottom. Finny and Sam then decided to set up camp.  
"This is harder than I thought," said Finny.  
"Yeah I wonder what we got to eat," said Sam.  
"What do we have to eat?" asked Finny. Sam rummaged through the pack and all he could come up with was a loaf of bread in plastic wrapping.  
"Bread, bread, and more bread," said Sam.   
"Great. Well give me some," said Finny. They then started eating.  
"We have to make it to lambo by living on nothing but bread?" asked Sam.  
"Guess so," said Finny. They then continued down the steep bridge approaching the ground of Wisconsin. Suddenly night suddenly fell on Finny and Sam.  
"I'm really fricken tired. Let's sleep," said Finny. He then fell fast asleep in an instance. Sam fell asleep shortly behind him. Little did they know, that they were being followed.   
"Man those freaks stole my precious ring. That was my precious. Those freaks better give me my ring back or I'm gonna kick their ass," said the creature who was crawling down the bridge. Suddenly the creature reached the two gays and pounced on Sam. He put him in a choke hold.  
"Gonna give me the ring?" asked the creature.  
"It's Nick!" yelled Finny.  
"That's right and you freaks better give me the ring or I'll kill you both," said Nick.  
"We're not freaks! We're gays!" choked Sam as Nick still had him. Suddenly Finny took out his baseball bat.  
"I'll beat you over the head with this if you don't stop! Yes, you remember this bat. The one from the field," said Finny.  
"No I don't, it's the one you fricken stole you little thief. Just like you stole my ring. I could have gotten a good bargin on that thing but you little gays had to steal it," said Nick.  
"Just let go of Sam and lead us through Wisconsin," said Finny.   
"Fine, but I'm taking the ring when I'm done," said Nick.  
"Fine," said Finny. So Nick started leading them down through the bridge. Sam thought it would be safe to put Nick on a leash. It was made with clean fibers though which burned through Nick's contaminated skin.  
"Ahhhh that burns you gays. Take this thing off me or I'll strangle you with it!" said Nick.  
"No, it's for your own protection," said Sam.  
"I'm gonna kill you, you little gay," said Nick.  
"Sam just take it off him," said Finny.  
"No, we can't trust him," said Sam.   
"Sure we can. I mean just look at him," said Finny. Nick was sitting in the back wearing a hockey mask and starting up a chainsaw.  
"I guess you're right Mr. Finny. But if he starts acting up, I'm putting him back on the leash," said Sam.   
"Fine, you do that," said Finny. So Nick was set free of the rope.  
"That's right you fools, you better set me free. Anyways come on you morans, you're gay little minds could not possibly know the way through Wisconsin," said Nick.  
"Well we were doing good so far!" said Finny excitively.  
"You haven't even gotten off the bridge before you begged for my help. You gays are pathetic," said Finny.  
"And proud of it!" said Sam. Nick looked at Sam like he was a freak. Nick then lead them to the very bottom of the bridge and into Wisconsin. For there they would set out on a grand adventure to lambo. But Finny gazed at the new area they would have to cross. It was pasture lands, far as the eye can see, filled with ponds, and numerous ponds which flooded the pasture. Nick lead them, and they started into the pasture marsh. 


	19. Pasture Marsh

Finny and Sam stared at the oncoming obstacle. For there were ponds everywhere in the pasture and it was all fenced in with barbed wire.   
"What is this place?" asked Finny.  
"This is the pasture marsh. A pasture in Wisconsin where numerous ponds flooded it and soaked the land. The water came from the Mississippi and the back waters flooded it and overran the pasture. We must venture over this to get further into Wisconsin," said Nick. Nick then lead them to a place where the barbed wire was fallen and there was a hole in the fence where the could easily get through. He then lead them over a narrow path which lead through the pasture swamps. For on each side, the ponds would seem to swallow up the land.   
"This is disgusting," said Finny.  
"Quit your bitching," said Nick. He kept leading them through the pasture marsh lands when suddenly Finny noticed something in one of the ponds. For it was a dead cow, just floating in the water. It had no life on it's face and seemed pale, well, pale for a cow that is.   
"There's a dead cow in there!" yelled Finny.  
"Yeah, the cows fell in here and drowned. They couldn't keep on land with this narrow path being the only solid part. And the fence kept them in," said Nick.  
"Oh poor cows," said Finny.  
"Yes, they are lost cows. The many departed which will ever lie in the waters of these ponds," said Nick. As they continued on Finny started feeling dizzy. He looked at the water and stared right at a cow's face. He locked his eyes on it and didn't look away. The cow just seemed to stare back at unblinking dead eyes and gave an eerie tingle down Finny's spine. Finny then was somewhat lulled by the cow and fell face first in the pond. As he sunk he was surrounded by dead cows, floating around him. Suddenly, there came a creepy sight. Cow turds floating in the water would come up and hiss at Finny. They would float and seem to grab at him. The turds were getting closer to pulling Finny towards them, when suddenly a hand grabbed Finny. Finny was shocked and tried to fight it but it overpowered him. Suddenly Finny was dragged up towards the surface.  
"What was that?!?" asked Finny in shock.  
"Don't ever go into the ponds you fool! For there the cow turds are immense. They will drag you down and smother you, and bury you, and turn you into a zombie, more mindless and gay then you are now. You will become like the cows and will forever lie in the ponds," said Nick.  
"I'm too scared! Can we go home now?" asked Finny.  
"NO! I want money for my precious. That was my ring. I found it. It should be mine to sell and gain a good bargin for it. Anyways, let's continue," said Nick. So they continued on the narrow strip and walked for what seemed like miles. For they were traveling over the immensely long pasture marsh. After a while they heard a noise. It wasn't a screech. Or a laugh. It was a whistle!   
"What's that?" asked Finny.  
"It's the wraiths!" yelled Nick.  
"But the wraiths are just orcs," said Finny.  
"No, those were just fake wraiths you fool. These are the real wraiths. The ref wraiths. They are by far the most powerful of the dark lord Brett. For they are the only ones who control the games played by the Packers. Now hide!" yelled Nick. The three quickly dove under some brush in the pasture. A ref wraith of what seemed like high quality flew overhead in a helicopter, blowing his whistle. He didn't see the three and continued on.   
"That was too fricken close. Be careful now you gays," said Nick. He lead them the rest of the way through the pasture marsh and finally reached the end. For now, they would try to get past Wisconsin's welcome sign. 


	20. The Impassible Sign

Finny, Sam, and Nick approached a cliff which was at the end of the marsh. They gazed down upon what was in the valley and were shocked. It was the sign to Wisconsin in big bold letters which read:   
Welcome to Wisconsin  
Home of the Packers  
Land of Cheese  
  
It seemed they have finally made it to the sign that entered Wisconsin but there was a certain catch. There were people in packer uniforms that were marching into Wisconsin. They were all unison and at attention and marched with great Packer pride. After the people went through the small gate, the sign lowered and sealed off the entrance.  
"There's no way we can get in there!" screamed Finny and then started crying.  
"I told you gays! The sign to Wisconsin is impassible. It's too heavily guarded and built with extremely strong metal to keep gays like you out. There's no sneaking in or even going by force," said Nick.  
"Well what are those guys going through the sign?" asked Finny.  
"They're tourists you stupid gay. Mortal men who were corrupted by Brett Favre and entered into the NFL to eternally serve him. Also people just coming into Wisconsin for a vacation and to watch the Packer's games," said Nick.  
"There's no getting past them. We can't get through!" screamed Finny. Suddenly Sam started sliding down the hill.  
"Sam where are you going?" asked Finny.  
"There's gotta be a way through Mr. Finny! We can sneak through! Don't worry Mr. Finny you just gotta believe and you can do anything!" yelled Sam running towards the sign.  
"Sam you're a fool! You can't get through that sign! It's impossible and the Packers will catch you and convert you to a cheesehead!" yelled Finny. He then bolted after Sam trying to stop him.  
"Fools! Fine, seal your own doom. I'll just sit up here and be safe while you two die horrible, horrible, horrible deaths. That would rather be interesting to watch actually. Then I can take my precious and sell it for a good fortune. I'll be rich! And I'll get to see their blood!" mumbled Nick to himself. Suddenly as Finny and Sam reached the sign they heard footsteps. For more tourists were marching up the slopes towards the sign to enter into the dark land of Wisconsin. Finny started panicking as he knew that both him and Sam wouldn't be able to get up the slope in time. Finny tackled Sam to the grass and dug through the pack. He took out a green blanket and through it over him and Sam, hoping they would blend in with the grass. Suddenly a tourist bus came driving by.  
"We are now approaching the sign to Wisconsin. This sign has been a gate for all the tourists and Packers for years. It ensures that they can get in to this land of evil and do their evil deeds and little gays who are trying to save the NFL and the world can't get in. If you will look to your left, you will see two gays underneath a blanket which obviously doesn't match with their surroundings," said the tour guide. Suddenly Finny ripped off the blanket and him and Sam bolted up the hill.  
"Look at them run folks! We will now continue our tour of the dark land of Wisconsin. Please make sure all belongings are with you and keep your hands, arms, and any other body part inside the bus at all times. Please remain seated the whole time and enjoy the trip!" instructed the tour guide. The sign then opened to let the tour bus in. It glided in and then the sign slammed shut. Finny and Sam just reached the top of the hill where Nick was sitting curled by a tree muttering things to himself.  
"Yes, those stupid gays are sure dead by now. They won't make it. And if they do I'll just kill them! And take my precious back. Then sell it for a good fortune. Yes, they won't stand a chance! Those fools will fail! That's what they get for taking my precious. Yes it's mine, my precious. My precious," mumbled Nick in front of the gays.  
"Um, Nick we're back," said Finny.  
"Huh?!?" panicked Nick. He quickly grabbed Finny's shirt and shoved him up against the tree.  
"How much did you hear?" asked Nick.  
"All of it," said Finny.  
"Damn you. You're going to forget I said anything got it?" asked Nick.  
"No, I'm gonna tell on you," said Finny. Nick then slapped him.  
"No you won't you fool! You're going to keep you're mouth shut and be a good little stupid gay and do as I command got it? I didn't work my ass off for you gays to get you this far for nothing. I mean we're almost to your doom, I mean, your destination. Heh…heh…anyways forget I said anything," said Nick. After Nick babbled all that Finny completely forgot what he said in the first place. Finny was too busy thinking of what to eat instead of what Nick was babbling.  
"Um," said Finny.  
"That's right. So just shut up," said Nick.  
"Well we can't get through the sign," said Finny.  
"I told you stupid gays you couldn't. But no, you gays think you know everything. This should just show that deformed creatures like me know more than what little gays do," said Nick.   
"So is there a way around?" asked Finny.  
"Well of course. Seeing how intelligent I am, I already planned that we would have to go around in the first place. Just shut up and follow me to your doom, I mean, to where we need to go," said Nick. So Nick started leading them on a path that lead around the sign and would plunge them into Wisconsin. 


	21. Abandoning of Nick and Capturing of the ...

The gays and Nick continued on around the gate which would hopefully plunge them into Wisconsin. Nick would sit there with an eye twitching the whole time and plotting death threats to the gays.  
"You stupid gays are gonna die! YOUR ALL GONNA DIE! Then my precious will be in my hands, and I'll be rich! RICH I TELL YOU!" said Nick.  
"I don't trust him at all Mr. Finny," said Sam.  
"Oh Sam that's nonsense, look at him. He's so enlightening," said Finny. Nick then turned to the gays.  
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" screamed Nick.   
"Can we get something to eat first?" asked Finny.  
"Sure," said Nick. He then plunged his hand into some nearby bushes and pulled out a rabbit. He then put both his hands on it's neck and snapped it's spine instantly with an emotional look on his face.  
"Here, eat it raw! I heard you could get salmonella from it," said Nick.  
"No there's only one proper way to cook it," said Sam. He then took the rabbit and through it into a pot he had. Sam then took out his matches and started up a roasting fire. He added some water and diced the rabbit to meat then threw it in with vegetables of all sorts. Nick gave a disgusted look at the pot.  
"Nasty," said Nick.  
"No, it's actually quite good," said Sam. But Nick was far too picky to eat what Sam had to cook.  
"You're just ruining it you fool," said Nick.   
"What would you know? You're just a deformed freak," said Sam.  
"Sam why are you always so mean to him?" asked Finny.  
"Look at him! He's obviously plotting against us!" yelled Sam. They turned and saw Nick approaching them with a butcher knife. He then quickly hid it and started whistling.  
"No I think he has good intentions. I actually feel sorry for him," said Finny. Finny and Sam fought and Nick got an annoyed look on his face.  
"Screw you gays, I'm gonna go find something actually good to eat," said Nick. Nick then ventured off into the woods in search of food.  
"Now look at what you did, you lost our guide Sam!" yelled Finny.  
"He was gonna slaughter us anyways," said Sam.  
"C'mon Sam we have to go find him!" said Finny.  
"But…" started Sam.  
"No buts! He's our only guide and if we don't find him, we'll be lost in Wisconsin forever!" said Finny. He then grabbed Sam's arm and dragged him into the woods after Nick. They went around trees and through brush in the woods until suddenly they heard a loud noise.  
"What was that?" asked Sam.  
"It sounded like an elephant," said Finny.  
"But nobody has ever seen an elephant in Wisconsin before," said Sam. So they went towards the sound until they came to a clearing with lots of tourists marching along the path. Suddenly, an elephant came out of the clearing with a couple of tourists on top of it.  
"Look Mr. Finny, an elephant! The people back home will never believe me!" said Sam excitively.   
"Well no duh they won't believe you, cause an elephant in Wisconsin would just sound like you were drunk when you saw it," said Finny.  
"Yes but you saw it too Mr. Finny!" said Sam.  
"Yeah but I'm not pissing my pants over it like you are," said Finny. Suddenly out of the bushes a football sailed and hit one of the tourists in the head. Then footballs all around went and fell half of the tourists. The elephant got scared and jumped up, throwing the tourists off it's back. It then started running away, trampling some tourists. More footballs sailed and fell the rest of the tourists.  
"What was that?!?" exclaimed Finny.  
"Huh? What happened? I was staring at the elephant," said Sam.  
"Damn it Sam, footballs just came out of no where and killed all the tourists!" yelled Finny. Suddenly, men came out of the bushes dressed in Vikings sweatshirts with their hoods up. They had a bag of footballs on their backs and many weapons. They grabbed Finny and Sam and took them through the forest.  
"Who are you?" asked Finny. They ignored him and then took him to a cave behind a waterfall overlooking a small pool. They then put Finny and Sam down and started plotting their course.  
"If we go this way, then the forces of Wisconsin will surely crush us," said their leader.  
"Well we must go this way then," said one of the followers. The leader then turned to Finny and Sam.  
"What are a couple of gays doing in Wisconsin?" asked the leader.  
"We were, um….going to my grandma's house," said Finny trying to hide the ring.  
"Yeah, his grandma's house," said Sam.  
"What are your names?" asked the leader.  
"My name is Finny Baggins," said Finny.  
"And mine is Sam Densemore," said Sam.  
"If you don't mind me asking, what is your name?" asked Finny.  
"My name is Gary Anderson and I'm from Winona," said Gary.  
"GASP! That must mean you're.." started Finny.  
"Calm down. I don't have a brother, well at least I don't think I do," said Gary. He then sat in thought. Finny started playing the ring around his neck. Gary then looked at him.  
"What's this?" he asked, then reached in Finny's shirt and took out the ring.  
"Why this is…" he started then trailed off. His eyes were locked on the ring. Finny began to panic, for it would mean that the ring would only be stolen. Suddenly one of Gary's henchmen came running in.  
"Master Gary! We've found a deformed creature in the pool right under us!" exclaimed the henchmen. Finny knew this meant only one thing. Nick had been found. He stared with a face of fear as Gary and his henchmen went out to the pool to capture Nick. 


	22. Capturing of Nick

Finny and Gary rushed out to the pool to see Nick down below wading in it. Nick dipped his hand down into the pool and brought up something shiny. He shoved what he had in his pockets.  
  
"Stupid gays going and cooking their nasty shit. I think I'm just going to get some change here and go to burger king or something," said Nick.  
  
Up on the cliff Gary and Finny watched Nick.  
  
"To steal from the forbidden pool is the penalty of death. We give that money to charity for crying out loud!" said Gary. Suddenly, some Vikings came out with footballs in their hands, pulled back.  
  
"Shall I throw? These men wait for my command," said Gary. He raised his arm as all the Vikings were ready. He was going to lower when suddenly Finny spoke.  
  
"Wait," said Finny, "this creature is bound to me and I to him. Let me go to him."  
  
Gary gave Finny a quick nod and Finny started down the path towards Nick. Nick was still gathering change when Finny reached him. He approached Nick slowly, trying not to startle him.  
  
"Come Nick," said Finny.  
  
"Screw you gay. I'm getting change," said Nick.  
  
"Come to master, Nicolas," said Finny.  
  
"Don't call me that you gay! Besides, I'm not your slave," said Nick.  
  
"You must come," said Finny.  
  
"I don't have to do shit," said Nick.  
  
"Fine then," said Finny. Suddenly some Vikings bolted out from behind, grabbed Nick, and threw him on the ground. They tied his hands and started beating him with sticks. They dragged him all the way up to cave.   
  
"Don't hurt him!" yelled Finny but the men wouldn't listen. Finny looked up to see Gary Anderstand staring down at him, a sly grin on his face. Gary then disappeared into the cave.   
  
In the cave the Vikings were kicking and beating Nick. They then threw him against a wall. Nick started screaming and swearing at them.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Gary Anderstand. But Nick ignored him and started talking to himself.  
  
"Those stupid gays. They took it from me. They took it. I could have been rich if it weren't for those stupid gays. I could have it all instead of stealing quarters from forbidden pools. Curse those stupid gays! Curse them! I hate them! I hate them I do! They stole it from me!" yelled Nick with such anger.  
  
"What did they steal?" asked Gary Anderstand.  
  
"My....PRECIOUS!" yelled Nick then started howling. Gary whipped out a stick and beat Nick over the head causing him to go unconscious.  
  
"Psycho..." said Gary.   
  
While Gary was interviewing Nick, the two gays were talking. Finny had come up and met with Sam again after what happened to Nick. They were planning to escape.  
  
"Mr. Finny, just put the ring on once more, what can it hurt? You can get away then," said Sam.  
  
"No Sam, I can't," said Finny.  
  
"Yes you can. You got to," said Sam.  
  
"I can't Sam. Everytime I put it on, he senses me. He can see where I am. It's taking control of me Sam. I can't fight it anymore," said Finny.   
  
Suddenly, Gary Anderstand came up to them. He looked them in the eyes at first then took out his stick and pointed it at the gays. He reached the tip of his stick over to Finny and held the ring up on the end.  
  
"So this is the answer to all the riddles. The ring of power in my grasp," said Gary Anderstand. Suddenly, Finny started spazzing. His eyes rolled in the back of his head and he started twitching. Gary and Sam both looked at him. Suddenly Finny got pissed. He screamed, flung the stick away, and ran to the back of the cave.  
  
"Leave him alone! Don't you see what your doing? It's a burden it is. The ring. Can't you understand that? Won't you just let us go?" asked Sam. Gary looked him a bit. Suddenly, one of Gary's followers came up.  
  
"Gary, Winona is under attack. They called for reinforcements. We must go," said the follower. Gary looked at the gays.  
  
"The ring will go to Winona," said Gary. The gays got shocked looks in their eyes and were then dragged by the other Vikings off to Winona. 


	23. Events in Winona

The Vikings pushed the gays ahead. They took a rope and tied it to Nick and dragged him alone like he was a dog. They traveled the countryside, along the Mississippi on Wisconsin. Then finally they crossed over to Minnesota. They looked and saw the great Winona ahead. The city stood grand and tall. Finny looked at Gary Anderstand with a look of fear on his face.  
  
"The ring can't save Winona. It has only the power to destroy," said Finny. Gary ignored him and dragged him down. The Vikings dragged Finny all the way into the city where fighting was going on. Padded Vikings hid behind stone walls and threw footballs at the oncoming forces. Huge rocks catapaulted into the Vikings. The gays, Gary, and the rest of the men made their way through all the war. They made it to a doorway on the far end of the city when suddenly a shriek tore through the air. It was a sound like a whistle.   
  
"Ref-wraith!" yelled Gary Anderstand. The whole city was in panick then. People would run through the streets, seeking shelter from the oncoming danger. The Vikings would gather up their arms to fend off the Ref-wraith. People would try to get their necessary things to go into hiding. Gary Anderstand pushed the gays and Nick over to a wall. He hid them around the corner.  
  
"Stay here, don't move," said Gary Anderstand. Nick shrieked in the corner next to them. Suddenly it appeared. It was a giant beast that hovered over the city of Winona. A figure in a striped black and white shirt came with a whistle in his mouth. He was flying in a helicopter right over the city. He stared down to try to find what he was seeking for. The ring that would give the dark lord Brett Favre power over the NFL. The ref-wraith blew his whistle, a high pitched noise that rung fear in the hearts of the Vikings. It was the call to the ring.   
  
Suddenly, as if Finny were in a trance, he slowly walked towards the ref-wraith. It was as though he were a zombie. He walked up on one of the tower walls and came face to face with the ref-wraith. Everything was still then. Everything was silent. Finny stared into the eyes of the ref-wraith, not one of them moving. Then Finny slowly lifted the ring. He lifted it up to his finger. The ref-wraith started coming closer to him. Finny held the ring only inches to his finger as the ref-wraith reached out for Finny. The ref-wraith got closer and closer and finally was in reach. He grabbed at Finny just as Finny started to slip the ring on his finger.  
  
Then, Sam came running up and grabbed Finny from behind. He flung Finny down, causing the ring to slip away from his finger. The ref-wraith grabbed but missed and grabbed nothing but air. The two gays slipped down the wall and rolled over each other. Gary Anderstand then punted a football and hit the propeller of the helicopter. It was damaged after that and would have to be repaired. Seeing defeat, the ref-wraith quickly turned away and started away from the city of Winona.  
  
The gays finished toppling and hit the ground. Finny with rage quickly pulled out his baseball bat and held it above his head, ready to strike Sam. Anger burned in Finny's eyes. Sam had a look of confusion and fear on his face. They stared into each other's eyes for a bit then finally broke the silence.  
  
"Finny, it's me. It's your Sam. Don't you know your Sam?" asked Sam. Finny then got a look of shock on his face and came to realize what he was doing. He dropped the bat and backed away. He ran up against a wall and finally slumped down.  
  
"I can't do this Sam," said Finny.  
  
"I know, I know," said Sam, "by rights we shouldn't even be here."  
  
There was then a slight moment of pause and then Sam got an idea in his head.  
  
"Do you remember the old stories Mr. Finny? The ones that really mattered? Dark and grim they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the ending. Because how could the end be happy with all that bad happening? But folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. They kept going. They had what we're hanging on to," said Sam.  
  
"What are we hanging onto Sam?" asked Finny.  
  
"That there's some good in the NFL, Mr. Finny. And it's worth fighting for," said Sam.  
  
"What a bunch of crap," said Nick in the corner.  
  
Gary Anderstand then stepped out from around the corner. He obviously heard everything that Sam said and was moved by it. He knelt down in front of Finny.  
  
"I think at least we understand each other, Finny Baggins," said Gary. Then one of the followers came up behind him.  
  
"You know the laws of our city. The laws of your coach. If you let them go your life will be forfeit," said the follower.  
  
"Then it is forfeit. Release them," said Gary Anderstand. A light then came into Finny and Sam's eyes as Gary Anderstand's followers escorted them from the city. Finny, Sam, and Nick went on their way. 


	24. Nick's Evil Plan

After the gays and Nick left Winona, they traveled. They traveled far and wide across the state of Wisconsin, in hopes that they would enter the forbidden place where the evil Brett Favre lies. They were about halfway when they started going through the forest. Finny and Sam were talking and Nick went off to talk to himself as usual.  
  
"I wonder if we'll ever be put into stories Mr. Finny," said Sam.  
  
"What?" asked Finny.  
  
"Yeah, stories that you and your whole family can sit around and listen to. And the kids would say to their dads 'I want to hear the story of Finny and the ring.' And then they would say 'Oh yes, it's one of my favorite tales.' Then the children would say 'Finny was courageous wasn't he dad?' and then the dads would say 'Why yes my boy, he's the most famous of all gays this world has ever known.'" Said Sam.  
  
"But you forgot one of the chief characters. Sam the brave. 'I want to hear more about Sam.' They would say. Finny wouldn't have gotten far without Sam," said Finny, a look in his eye.  
  
"Now Mr. Finny don't mock me! I was being serious," said Sam.  
  
"So was I," said Finny.  
  
"We have to find Nick Mr. Finny," said Sam. They gays started calling out to Nick while he sat behind a tree in the forest speaking to himself.  
  
"Those stupid gays. They stole the precious! They stole it from me! I'll kill them. I'll kill them both. I would but, that fat one knows. He knows...he knows. I should ring his neck! I should ring both their necks! How can I kill them? The stupid fat one knows. Hmmm. Wait. I could let her do. Yes, she could do it. She could kill them both. And then I'll take it from them once their dead. Once their dead," said Nick then trailed off. With Nick's plotting he finally sprung out from behind the tree.  
  
"Come on you stupid gays, we're still a far way away from our destination. Follow me," said Nick with an evil look in his eye. He then started walking ahead of them with the gays behind. Little did the gays know, that Nick was leading them into a trap that would be so dangerous that they might not even survive. 


End file.
